Shamelessly stolen, but oh so good

Judge Gregory Presnell from the Middle District of Florida is a favorite of the federal court junkie... This latest order shows why:




UNITED STATES DISTRICT COURT
MIDDLE DISTRICT OF FLORIDA
ORLANDO DIVISION
Case No. 6:05-cv-1430-Orl-31JGG

AVISTA MANAGEMENT, INC.,
d/b/a Avista Plex, Inc.,

Plaintiff,

-vs-

WAUSAU UNDERWRITERS INSURANCE
COMPANY,
Defendant.
______________________________________


ORDER

This matter comes before the Court on Plaintiff’s Motion to designate location of a Rule
30(b)(6) deposition (Doc. 105). Upon consideration of the Motion – the latest in a series of
Gordian knots that the parties have been unable to untangle without enlisting the assistance of the federal courts – it is ORDERED that said Motion is DENIED. Instead, the Court will fashion a new form of alternative dispute resolution, to wit: at 4:00 P.M. on Friday, June 30, 2006, counsel shall convene at a neutral site agreeable to both parties. If counsel cannot agree on a neutral site, they shall meet on the front steps of the Sam M. Gibbons U.S. Courthouse, 801 North Florida Ave., Tampa, Florida 33602. Each lawyer shall be entitled to be accompanied by one paralegal who shall act as an attendant and witness. At that time and location, counsel shall engage in one (1) game of “rock, paper, scissors.” The winner of this engagement shall be entitled to select the location for the 30(b)(6) deposition to be held somewhere in Hillsborough County during the period July 11-12, 2006. If either party disputes the outcome of this engagement, an appeal may be filed and a hearing will be held at 8:30 A.M. on Friday, July 7, 2006 before the undersigned in Courtroom 3, George C. Young United States Courthouse and Federal Building, 80 North Hughey Avenue, Orlando, Florida 32801.

DONE and ORDERED in Chambers, Orlando, Florida on June 6, 2006.
GREGORY A. PRESNELL
United States District Judge

Who doesn't love a quickie?

Post, that is. Okay, I figured I'd better update before I head off to the Weekend of Total Debauchery and Insanity that will be Animal House Reunion (right? Riiiiiight?). Things to know: Mexico went well, my cousin is pregnant, so now the pressure is on in the family not only to get married but also to start producing grandkids. I bought a pirate shirt in Mexico. I'm getting my tonsils out at some point soon. Dana has a blog, you should read it because it's witty at times and generally one more distraction, and he is my fellow Domer at UT Law. Philip lives behind a bookcase and is now living in Narnia. My laptop can't connect to the internet in my room.

See you all in the Bend tomorrow :-)

Grood. Great and good.

1) Congrats to Brian and Katie Vnak for having twins! Holy crap, my friends have kids! I'm getting old! Hooray for babies.

2) I got my Religious Liberties grade today, which in itself is fine. However, I will now be checking the grades website obsessively until they are all up. D.Freeman, you send me so many e-mails, can't you be on top of this instead?

3) I'm leaving tomorrow for Mexico, suckers! Screw you, rainy Houston. I'll be gone for about a week (hopefully back by Wednesday) and then will be off to South Bend on Friday for the Animal House reunion. So what if I'm the only falto there? I'm sure I won't get wrecked because of that.

Memorial Day... a day to be stuck in traffic

So, as promised, I went back to Austin this weekend to attempt to get some of my stuff together. Man, do I have a lot of crap. I got there Friday and promptly went to see X-Men 3, which was pretty good. Seeing as I went opening night, I didn't know about the super-secret extra scene, and frankly, I wanted to get out of the claustrophobic theater ASAP. Did you know the Gateway Cinema doesn't have stadium seating? How are they still in business? I guess it's been a while since I've gone to see one of the big summer movies on opening night... the lines, the nerds in costume... I don't think it's quite for me.

Saturday I went to San Antonio to check out the apartment I'm subletting for the summer. It's decent, right in the middle of the medical district. Acceptable for two months. Apparently there's a little bit of crime in the area, but hey, at least I'm right next to a bunch of hospitals! I'll just walk to the emergency room, save me the ambulance fee. Also, it's right near a pool hall called "Nice Rack". BONG.


That night, I went back to Austin and met up with Miguel, his brother, and a bunch of his brother's friends at Shakespeare's downtown. I also ran into two girls from high school there, which was okay, I guess, but I still get weirded out because man, if I don't see you for four years, you pretty much stop existing in my book. After Shakespeare's, Miguel and I got brats from the Best Wurst stand on 6th street. That's like an institution. And we made friends with the girl behind us who kept pushing us becuase "You can't let those people cut in line!!!" What people? Who knows.

Sunday was lazing, followed by the best drive ever in stop and go traffic on 290 on Monday on the way home. Laurie got a "day off" for Memorial Day, so they let her use her cell phone in basic training, and she called and we got to talk for about an hour, which was super great. Apparently she loves it, and is labeled an "expert" in grenades and "sharpshooter" in M-16s. Hear that, people? My best friend can kill you with her bare hands... don't mess.

Fun with pictures

If Ernie Young.....



mated with John Dzienkowski....



What would they produce?

Extended hiatus

I've gotten complaints that I'm not updating enough to your liking. The truth is, I've been in Houston for a week and a half or so, and there is literally nothing to do. I watch a lot of TV. I help my mom cook dinner. That's about it.

My dad's birthday was on Tuesday. We got him a sander and a stereo. And we had brownies and ice cream that night.

See what I mean, people? Do you want more of that? Do you?

I'm heading back to Austin tomorrow, which should provide more craziness than now. Things to do, people to see. Or things to see, such as X-Men 3. That will be the highlight of my weekend. I am so not lying right now.

So, I've been rereading Scott Turow's "One L" to see just how full of shit he is. During orientation, we were told not to believe much of it, and in hindsight, they were right. They also said, "You know, if you don't want law school to be stressful, maybe you shouldn't attempt to write your first novel during your first year." Take that, Turow. Also, the 1Ls at Harvard are insane. Reading ahead? Reading law review artices about the case to have extra info in class? How can you complain about gunners when your entire class is some sort of race of super-gunners? God, I'll kill you, Harvard Law Class From 25 Years Ago! I can't even get myself to finish reading past their first finals.

So, I turn to TV instead. Does anyone else think Jorge Ramos is the Hispanic Anderson Cooper? Decide for yourselves.

Can't get enough Jason Bateman?

I know I can't. I just discovered the website Brilliant but Cancelled, which has the entirety of his pilot that never got picked up by NBC called The Jake Effect. It combines Jason Bateman and lawyers, what more could you want? And by you, I mean me. And the answer is nothing.

Edit: I suppose to make the sentence grammatically correct, I should probably say, "And by you, I mean I." But that sounds weird, doesn't it?

Blow me, Bureaucracy

Mother of God. 7 hours in a government office. Granted, it was not the US Government's office, it was the Mexican Consulate's office, but still - GOOD LORD. The only thing that stopped me from committing suicide was the lack of an object sharp enough, that and the judging from all those around me. The one bright spot is that I saw a guy with a hook for a hand! He was pretty entertaining, although I don't think he meant to be, and if he knew how many times I was staring at his hook, he would have impaled me with it. Damn, I should have made a bad hook joke, he would have put me out of my misery. There was also an employee who was wearing a red elastic-waistband jacket with the sleeves pushed up, Miami Vice-style. AND he was wearing a piano key necktie!
*Note!* Although this man is not wearing a piano key necktie, this is one of the first images that comes up when you search google. I like the fact that he is labeled an "objet d'art". Classy.

Anyway, after that, I had to go redo my fingerprints for the DOJ because, apparently, the first time I did them they were too dark but hopefully they will scan in that crazy, 2 million dollar machine of theirs. Suck it, bureaucracy.

So, some people have said they have gotten grades back. A-bwaaaah? Maybe it's just for upper level courses, because I'm still convinced there's at least a month left until we get ours.

Family Matters... no, Family Ties... wait...

When I was an undergrad at ND, coming home was an awesome experience. Having your kid over 1,000 miles away is pretty rough on parents, especially when I'm the first one in my entire family to go away to college. Naturally, when I came home, I was spoiled rotten. Mom would take me shopping, Dad would take us all out to eat, and it was pretty great to be home because all my other friends that went away to college were home then, too, so I could always call them up and go out with them.

Now, harsh reality is setting in. I now live a mere 3 hours from home, so coming home, while still nice, is not all that special. I think it hurts the pocketbook the most. Now that I'm in grad school, all the loans are in my name, and my parents say "well, you've got your own money, you don't need ours anymore!" Oh, god, I do. I do if I want to go shopping! Why would you deprive me of that?

Anyway, my point is, I am bored here at home, I don't have money to go shopping, and none of my friends are back yet. Someone entertain me!

I was always a sucker for Michael J. Fox as a young Republican in a tie....


Also, Jason Bateman's sister, who Jason Bateman had a strange obsession with having love scenes with..

I'm really making an effort

During the semester, when I have things to do, it's very easy to procrastinate doing those things by writing in this blog. For those of you who don't know, I finished my last exam Thursday and hence have no reason whatsoever to continue writing this blog. However, I'll make an attempt not to fall off the face of the earth, and once my job starts, I'll let you know all the immigration craziness I'll be dealing with, or as much as the government will allow me to say. For now, I have at least two weeks off until I start. When do I start, you ask? Yeah, that'd be nice to know. Um, if you could let me know sometime soon, Department of Justice, I could really use that info.

So, there was some craziness this weekend, but there is no way I could ever say it in as much detail or as hilariously as Animal, so I'm going to pull a Nips and just link to his blog and let you get that info from him.

Sunday I drove into Houston to see the family, because they miss me (who wouldn't really), and... I'm not sure what else. Today my big task was showering and eating before 3pm. And then I watched How I Met Your Mother (which is enraging me right now - more Barney, less weepy emotional stuff) and Grey's Anatomy (blah blah blah). So, in sum, I love vacation. Please don't make me go back to school.

I am not surprised

Find your own pose!

The law school version of '24'

That's right my friends, less than 24 hours and I will be DONE with finals and my first year of law school! It's been bittersweet, but I am ready to pound out 3 hours' of property tomorrow and then proceed to forget everything I learned in the past year at Crown and Anchor on Dzienkowski's dollar. Or really, Fulbright and Jaworski's dollar, since we are using all the money left over from the society program to fund our drunken giddy post-finals debauchery.

In other news, I bought these shoes recently, and can't wait to wear them. Steve Madden, you magnificent bastard. If I ever meet you, I will kiss you squaw on the lips. Even though, let's be honest, if you are designing shoes that fabulous, you're probably gay.



It would be fun for me to check back every hour so you know what I'm doing, a la 24. But I won't.

I totally agree

Strange habits #2

Eating habits go out of control around finals time. Some meals are skipped, others are eaten to maximum stuffed-ness of the belly. Prime example:

Today's meal: One DiGiornio personal pizza around 3:30pm. One small salad around 9pm.
Yesterday: Burger and fries around 1pm. Chinese food at 10pm.
The day before: Chicken nuggets and fries around noon. One of those Bird's Eye Viola meals around 8pm. By the way, Viola meals - best things in the world. I could live off of them.

Also, if you've noticed the vast majority of my meals have been from fast food restaurants. What can I say, I need fuel for my nervous energy. Besides the many lattes, which I can't even count.

Oh yeah, chocolate doesn't count as meals, but it's interspersed in there, too.

I wish I was a 3L and stopped caring about finals.

Strange habits

I have to answer some of Elizabeth's qualms about law school, and I also want to attempt to be a witty observer of law school. First of all, a difference between Scott Turow's "One L" experience is that they had year-long first year courses whereas all of UT's first year courses are only a semester long. This is good in the sense that you don't have a giant test at the end of the year covering everything, but sucks because the professors have to cram a year's worth of material into a semester. Poop.

Honestly, law school finals are hard, but they're not soul-crushing. Not. Quite. Okay, so maybe a little piece of me dies every time I write down my exam number, but depending on the person, you could either have a nervous breakdown or just have a tough two weeks that culminate in your property professor taking your entire class out for drinks, which isn't too shabby.

So, let me tell you a little bit about the different types of tests and some stereotypical "types" of test-takers for each.

1. Your typical 4-hour in-class exam. Almost all my tests last semester were like this. The first time you go through it, you have no clue what the time pressure is going to be like. Four hours is kind of a long time, and a lot of people have to pee in the middle of it. This one, basically everyone sits at their laptop and types for four hours straight, and if they have to pee, they strategically wait until they've finished a section, then make a made dash for the bathroom. It's like a race to see how quickly you can empty your bladder while taking some time to think of how you'll organize your next issue all at once.

2. 8-hour take-home. As noted below, the cruelest form of torture known to man. Some prefer to bring some small, yet healthy snacks in the library and sit in the same chair for 8 hours straight, print occasionally and spend the last half hour of their time editing and perfecting their prose. Others (like me) prefer to bring in their headphones, take multiple mini-breaks to check people's away messages and The Superficial, and leave the library for twenty minutes or so for a lunch break.

3. 24-hour take-home. First type of people will pick up the test promptly at 12pm (or whenever they can pick it up), work constantly for 7 hours, take a break and eat dinner, proofread their paper, and print it out at 9pm and go to bed. They will wake up early, read it over once more, and turn it in a good hour ahead, just in case there's traffic. Group 2 (me, again), will pick it up between noon and 1, decide to come home and immediately say, well... it's really time for lunch. And after lunch, we will look over the question. Then, oh my god, it's the episode of The Cosby Show where the guys are pregnant! Okay, I'll take a half hour to watch this, and THEN, really, then it's time to start writing. Okay, well, I also like this episode of Cosby Show, so I'll just leave it on while I look over the problem and sort of.. outline the answer. Four hours later, still staring at a blank screen. Eventually, around 5pm, the writing begins, at midnight you're ready to kill yourself, and you give up around 3am, while setting your alarm for 7 so you can finish up at the very last minute, park illegaly and rush to turn it in just under the wire.

This has been a total waste of time. If you want some REAL entertainment, check this out.

The Finals Countdown

If you're wondering why I haven't updated in a while it's because today was my first final. I am completely done with torts! I can totally sue someone for you. This test was an 8 hour take-home exam. I was at school today from 8am to a little after 4pm. I have come to the conclusion that 8 hour take-homes are the cruelest form of torture known to man. Just enough time to do a lot of work, but not enough to relieve the time pressure.

Mal came to visit last weekend, which was excellent. We saw the ridiculous houses on Lake Austin from Mount Bonnell, including many with boat garages, video games and general ticket-grabbing awesomeness at Dave and Buster's, and a trip to go see Stick It with every other 12-year-old in the Arboretum area. I put Stick It squarely in the middle between Center Stage and Bring It On, and if you say I stole that from Mike Lassaude, I will punch you in the face.



Finally, and most importantly, I must announce that MY softball team won the 1L Law School Softball Championship! Our picture is going up in Gregory Gym, and I got an uber-sweet "Intramural Champions" t-shirt to proclaim just how awesome I am. And by awesome, I mean totally sweet.

Stolen from Kat

Because it's easier to do this than be creative. See Kat's responses here.

Instructions:

* Put your music player on shuffle.
* Press forward for each question.
* Use the song title as the answer to the question, even if it doesn't make any sense.

1. How am I feeling today? “Fin de semana” - Estoppa
2. Will I get far in life? “When I’m 64” - Beatles
3. How do my friends see me? “La Vie Boheme” - Rent
4. Where will I get married? “King Without a Crown” - Matisyahu (So I'm having a Jewish wedding?)
5. What is my best friend? “When You Got It, Flaunt It” - Producers
6. What is the story of my life? “I’ve Got A Dark Alley And A Bad Idea That You Should Shut Your Mouth (Summer Song) – Fallout Boy
7. What was high school like? “I Don’t Know What It Is” – Rufus Wainwright
8. How can I get ahead in life? “You’re A Good Man, Charlie Brown” - YAGMCB... So, stick to theatre?
9. What is the best thing about me? “You’ve Got A Friend In Me” – Toy Story Soundrack
10. What is today going to be like? “Voice Mail #3” – Rent (the one where Mark’s mom congratulates him for making TV and Alexi from Buzzline calls to hire him)
11. What is in store for this weekend? “Houses” – Mitch Hedberg
12. What song describes my parents? “Home Life” – John Mayer
13. To describe my grandparents? “Everything Will Be All Right” – The Killers
14. How is my life going? “My Sherona” – The Knack (no sense)
15. What song will they play at my funeral? “Stacked Actors” – Foo Fighters
16. How does the world see me? “Big Rock Candy Mountain” – O Brother, Where Art Thou Soundtrack
17. Will I have a happy life? “I Wish You Well” – Letters to Cleo/Josie and the Pussycats
18. What do my friends really think of me? “No One Else” - Weezer
19. Do people secretly lust after me? “One Man Guy” – Rufus Wainwright
20. How can I make myself happy? “Sugar, We’re Going Down” – Fallout Boy (I can only assume that means eat more candy)
21. What should I do with my life? “Africa” – Toto (That’s it, I’m going to South Africa)
22. Will I ever have children? “The People’s Song” – Les Mis (weird)
23. What is some good advice for me? “More Today Than Yesterday” - Goldfinger
24. How will I be remembered? “Te Dejo Madrid” – Shakira… so for being in Spain at some point?
25. What is my signature dancing song? “Ojos Asi” – Shakira… yeah, not really this song so much, but I’ll shake my booty to Shakira
26. What is my current theme song? Ariette Lyrique – Strauss (from Horn Concerto… doubt it)
27. What does everyone else think my current theme song is? “Es Por Ti” – Juanes… again, doubt it.

As promised...

So maybe it is Tuesday morning now, but so what?

I've barely had time to try and fix the things that are wrong with my blog, let alone post or actually put up all the links I had before. Yarrr.

Anyway, I figured a play-by-play of the weekend would probably be boring, so here are a few key phrases we picked up from various people we met this weekend:

- "Listen up, airborne"
- "You talk a lot of shit for a white girl" (Notice that this was said to a Mexican and a half-Asian girl)
- "I really am kind of a big deal!"
- "Psh, 1L? I'm kind of like a 4L"
- "Pearl Jam, what?"

Needless to say, the people we met were Kind Of Actually A Big Deal. Riiiight.

Pictures to come when Kim sends them to me.

Friday night we took this awesome tricked-out cab back to my place. It has a blacklight and - get this - on-demand video screens. We jammed to some Justin Timberlake and the cabbie played Toto, and I tipped him 1,000%

Softball championship game is sometime this week. We're in the finals - go Bradford!

How horrifying

I love Post Secret. It's sort of fascinating to see what people send in. This postcard below is from this week. Strange thing is, it doesn't surprise me.



Note the Emmanuels supplement by the toilet.

I promise to update soon with the weekend wrap-up, which will be much more uplifting and entertaining than this.

You know what that means!

So, I am posting at 1 am. That can only mean that I have an assignment due tomorrow! And I do! Ding ding ding! Actually, I'm pretty much done. There's only so much fake-revision one can do.

So for Zombie Jesus weekend, my family came up to Austin to visit me. Hurray, family! My parents stayed with our good old family friends John and Dora, who live near my apartment. One I of their daughters, Aurora (or "Catherine", which is her middle/stage name) is in a telenovela in Mexico, which makes me feel pretty darn special. I know a... kind of... famous person... in Mexico! Friday, when they got here, I ate out for three meals. Yes, three full meals. And dessert. I was set to explode.

Saturday, I ditched the family for a law school booze cruise. I'm sorry parents, we've been planning this since February or so. This takes precedent. It was a pretty awesome time, just chilling on the boat, drinking beer provided by Fulbright & Jaworski, and we actually docked somewhere on Lake Travis to get out and swim. And by swim, I mean, use the SLIDE. That's right, a slide attached to the boat. Best thing ever. In gratitude to Fulbirght & Jaworski, we had to take a picture of all of us being happy on the boat with the F&J sign they provided for us. How nice of them. Let me just say, that I foresee a lot of female job offers from F&J, considering how many of us were in our bathing suits when that picture was taken. BONG.

My parents were supposed to leave Saturday, but decided to stick around Sunday for Easter mass. Another giant meal, care of the parents. Thank youuuu. All this family time does mean that I got zero studying and very little progress done on my memo. Which brings us to where I am tonight, writing this at 1 am.

Kim comes tomorrow, which means another unproductive weekend! And Mal is coming the weekend after that! When am I actually going to study for finals? Never, that's when. Bye bye, GPA. It was fun while it lasted. Let's hope my summer job experience can get me a decent offer next summer.

This guy is almost as sarcastic as me

So this is blatantly stolen from Judd, but I had to repost this opinion. This is a federal district court's opinion refusing a motion to transfer by a big Northeastern corporation from Galveston to Houston. You must read it all. Judges can do whatever the hell they want, apparently, and I love it.

Defendant's request for a transfer of venue is centered around the fact that Galveston does not have a commercial airport into which Defendant's employees and corporate representatives may fly and out of which they may be expediently whisked to the federal courthouse in Galveston. Rather, Defendant contends that it will be faced with the huge "inconvenience" of flying into Houston and driving less than forty miles to the Galveston courthouse, an act that will "encumber" it with "unnecessary driving time and expenses." This Court being somewhat familiar with the Northeast, notes that perceptions about travel are different in that part of the country than they are in Texas. A litigant in that part of the country might be shocked at having to travel fifty miles to try a case, but in this vast state of Texas, such a travel distance would not be viewed with any surprise or consternation. Defendant should be assured that it is not embarking on a three-week-long trip via covered wagons when it travels to Galveston. Rather, Defendant will be pleased to discover that the highway is paved and lighted all the way to Galveston, and thanks to the efforts of this Court's predecessor, Judge Roy Bean, the trip should be free from rustlers, hooligans, or vicious varmints of unsavory kind. Defendant will be pleased to know that regular limousine service is available from Hobby Airport, even to the steps of this humble courthouse, which has got lights, indoor plummin', 'lectric doors, and all sorts of new stuff, almost like them big courthouses back East.

Joe Jamail is my hero

He's won the largest verdict in history, $12 billion in Pennzoil v. Texaco. I hear he was a pretty crappy student here at UT, and that gives me hope. And, in this glorious video, he can incite violence and use curse words all throughout his deposition, while calling the other lawyers fat. He will END YOU. God bless you, Joe Jamail.

I am a waste of space

I fell into a slump recently. A no updating slump. I know you all have been checking my blog, wondering, what happened at Notre Dame? What is going on in your life? Did you catch the AIDS from Nips? ARE YOU EVEN STILL ALIVE? While you would think that the answer is yes, I am dead, and that is the only excuse for not blogging, I am, in fact, alive.

It's Monday - let me tell you about my weekend. No, not this last weekend. The weekend before that.

So I leave for ND on Thursday and I have a stopover in Cincinnati, where there are a few young 'uns sitting around waiting to go to Prospective Students Weekend at ND. "Are you going to ND for Prospective Students Weekend?", they ask me. No, I graduated last year. But thanks.

So, I guess the weekend can be summed up in terms of failed missions. And a few successes. Let's tally it up.

• V for Vendetta: Success. Awesome. And inspired Mal to try and convince me to shave my head, which, for all interested, will not be happening. I don't think I can pull it off nearly as good as Natalie Portman does.
  
• Outdoor activity: Success and failure. Mini-golf = success. Frisbee = extreme pain and finger jammage and nail breakage.
  
• Baking: The one thing (other than V) that we actually had planned for the weekend. Failure. Total and utter failure. We bought the cake mix and icing... and proceeded to sit on our ass all weekend.
• Outings with the undergrads: Success and failure. Barnaby's = success with tasty beer and pizza. Legends = success with a side of awkwardness. Club Fever = total failure and a walk back to Oak Hill while only slightly drunk.
• Mothball's trip to Slovenia: Total failure. Resulted in much bitterness and insanity. However, out of the insanity, new catchphrases: Complete success. We now have "Jesus, Billy!" and "Mason-Dixon line!" Haha, only Mal and Ball get that reference.
• Hacienda: Success, and Aaron was working that night. And kissed my hand. Ummm.... I don't know how to respond. Just drink a giant margarita.
  
• Salome: Complete success. Good job, guys.
  

Well, that's about all for the wrap-up. All in all, it was a successful weekend, despite the fact that most the things we planned ended up being complete failures.

This weekend can be summed up like this: weird Japanese movie and a new dartboard and a newfound love of peppermint patties. You can make any drink out of the leftovers you have in your cupboards. Oose!

I will kill you, airlines, weather, and everyone involved

After a long and uninteresting story about how I was stuck at the Cincinnati airport for 6 hours, I have no energy to blog about the weekend. So, I will simply leave you with the original Chuck Norris, Bill Brasky.

Everyone come see how good I look

Well, my friends, I'm going to leave you for several days. I'm going to South Bend this weekend, where I am to look for ND sandals for Jaimie, go see Miguel's play, and basically get into drunken foolish debauchery. I'll let you know if I survive.

I've spent the last 3 hours filling out forms for my internship this summer. Tentative on my passing the background check, I'll be working for the Department of Justice, Executive Office of Immigration Review, which means I get to do grunt work for 5 judges instead of just one. And apparently it means I need to fill out about 10,000 pages of employment history and people that know me. I don't know if I have that many friends, United States Government. Leave me alone.

Finally, I leave you with a request to pray for Vnak and Katie. Most of you who read this know them, but for those of you who don't, Katie is expecting twins, and one of them is struggling to keep up a bit, it seems. So, check out Vnak's blog for the full story, and let's get some tootin's!

Last inflammatory question: What's worse: Khaki on khaki or denim on denim? YOU DECIDE.

British Invasion

Did anybody happen to catch The Simpsons tonight? I know for most of you, the answer is no. While The Simpsons has been on a steady decline lately, I continue to watch out of sheer habit of watching The Simpsons every Sunday night for the past God knows how many years... at least 8 or 9 (but probably more). If you did, though, man, it certainly paid off. Tonight's episode was entirely written by British star and person I'm currently stalking, Ricky Gervais, and also guest starred his voice. Which means that Ricky Gervais wrote this particularly relevant joke:

British Lady: My husband hasn't satisfied me for years.
Homer: I feel the same way about Notre Dame football.

By which I can only deduce that Ricky Gervais is an Irish fan, and is waiting for Charlie Weiss and our boys to blow everyone out of the water next season. That's exactly what that means. I'm in law school. My logic powers are unstoppable.

Secondly, I would like to send a message to all my lady friends out there, and that is, go get fitted for a bra. I went and did that this weekend, and boy, it has changed my world. I'm not going to disclose details, but my bra size is drastically different than I thought it was. I promise you, it will change your life.

Lastly, Tuesday is our last regular season softball game (that's within law school, so you know it's competitive). I love softball because in our last game, my participation consisted of this:

1. Run out to center field
2. Run back
3. Bat once, then let another girl bat the next time I'm up so everyone gets to bat.
   

And I can still say that our team is 2-0 thanks to me.

This is post 101, and I've been tagged

So I just realized that Goat has tagged me, and a higher power from above forces me to respond. Also, the PopoZao video was post #100 for my blog. Hooray for me!

Four jobs I have had in my life:

1. Assistant Stage Manger - Summer Shakespeare (Notre Dame, IN)
   
2. Cluster Consultant (best job ever) - NDOIT (ND, IN)
   
3. Sales Associate - New York and Company (Houston, TX)
   
4. Phone girl/pizza bitch - Pizza Hut (Houston, TX)
   

Four movies I could watch over and over:

1. When Harry Met Sally ("I have a theory that heiroglyphics are just an ancient cartoon about a guy named Sphinxy.")
   
2. Empire Records ("Whats with today, today?")
   
3. The Rainmaker ("Sworn in by a fool and vouched for by a scoundrel. I'm a lawyer at last.")
4. SNL Best of Will Ferrell (Does this count as a movie? I don't care) - ("Goulet!")

Five places I have lived:

1. Houston, TX
   
2. South Bend, IN
3. Toledo, Spain
   
4. Austin, TX
   
5. Brockton, MA
   

Five TV shows I love to watch:

1. Law and Order: SVU
   
2. What Not To Wear
   
3. Arrested Development
   
4. Scrubs
5. Seinfeld
   

Four websites I visit daily:

1. http://thesuperficial.com
2. http://gofugyourself.typepad.com
   
3. GMail
   
4. http://kittycanscratch.typepad.com
   

Five places I have been on vacation:

1. Cancun, Mexico
   
2. Paris, Rome, London, Dublin, etc. (semester in Europe)
   
3. Toronto, Canada and Boston, MA (fall break trip)
   
4. New York, NY
   
5. Acapulco, Mexico
   

Four of my favorite foods:

1. Baked ziti
   
2. Fajitas
   
3. Chopped beef from Rudy's
   
4. Breakfast tacos
   

Four places I would rather be right now:

1. Cancun (because, it's Cancun)
   
2. South Bend (visiting the Animal House crew) (yeah, so I stole that from Goat, but it's true)
   
3. Monterrey, Mexico (visiting my fam)
   
4. Downtown Austin (as opposed to my apartment)
   

Four friends I am tagging:

1. Eliz
   
2. Kat
   
3. Philip
   
4. Megan
   

Just to reiterate

This video is amazing. Don't pass it up. It's right on my blog... so easy to watch! That's FIRE.

I'm rich, beeyotch

So, Mike has been following the issue of salary increases in big firms very closely. Basically, Vinson and Elkins raised their minimum first-year associate salary, and all the big Texas firms are following suit. What does the increase in base salary from Baker Botts mean? Does it mean less of a chance of income growth per year? Are you going to sign up for a firm and get stuck with their lousy $130,000 a year salary for five years?

I suppose a mega-genius like Mike, who is probably set with his huge firm, has to worry about these things. Law Review editor, general lyric genius. You have the luxury of deciding which mega-firm with mega-salaries to choose from, and what this pay raise means for salaries for years to come.

Me, I'm hoping I get a job at all. A non-paying public interest job, bitches! Take your base salary and shove it.

It's been a while

Well, I haven't posted in over a week, and a lot has happened since then, so there are a lot of things to address. I'll attempt to do it in short, bullet-style fashion, to accomodate the ADD-type attention spans that we all have (and that I currently have, having just chugged two Diet Cokes in a row. Woo caffeine).

• Wedding in Cancun. Awesome wedding, family happy that the first of the grandkids is finally married off, sunny weather, but too windy to go in the ocean. Highlights include renting a golf cart to go around Isla Mujeres (which made me realize just how much we missed out when the baritones did not buy one) and the crazy old guy who joined us in the hot tub and explained how he is not a racist.
• Interview in San Antonio. Went very well, and was actually offered the job today. It's with the Department of Justice, Executive Office of Immigration Review. Working with judges, helping kick illegals out of the country, and keeping those in that can/deserve to stay. Also had a second phone interview today with the Children's Museum in Chicago, so hopefully I'll hear from them by the end of the week, so I can make a decision. (How come this never happened earlier? Where were you, firms? WHERE?)
• Wedding #2: High School Reunion Boogaloo. Our little Joey Michnick is all grown up. Lots of reminiscing with high school friends abound. Blake Calcote plays poker for a living - how awesome is that?
• Falto mini-reunion in San Antonio, by which I mean, Miguel and I went to the mall and to dinner, and made plans for this summer if/when I take the job.
• Benders: I will be in town that last weekend in March - the 30 - April 2. Highlights of the weekend will include seeing Miguel's play and catching up with the genius/insane Anton Juan. Let me know if you want to meet up!
  
• You may be tempted to skip over this link, but I assure you that will be a fatal mistake. Seeing K-Fed in action, rather than on the pages on US Weekly is an experience in itself and PopoZao is... you have to see it for yourself.
• I discovered Ricky Gervais' old radio show on XFM and have discovered that they re-used a bunch of old topics on the new Ricky Gervais podcast! And I lost all faith in humanity.

Um... I think that's it. And I rented Proof, which was pretty good, and Gwyneth Paltrow is sort of insane. Looking forward to playing softball tomorrow!

In high school, I always had problem with the conclusions. Looks like I still have that problem.

Spring Mental Breakdown

Mother of God, do I need this Spring Break. This semester both sucks and blows. The consensus among Section 4 is that everybody cares much less and is immensely less motivated to study or even keep up with the reading. Perhaps some sort of mid-first-year slump? Class attendance is way down for everyone, and there's a general low grumble of dissatisfaction among everyone, not just our section.

So, needless to say, I'm pumped about Spring Break. To start off, I'm leaving Austin a few days early to head to Houston and fly to Cancun for my cousin's wedding. She's getting married on Friday, and I can't wait to go see my family and hang out on the beach for a few days! The one that's getting married is the one in blue - aren't we a pretty family? Yeah, I know.

So I'm getting back to Houston that Sunday, and plan to spend the week actually reading all that stuff I should've done all last month, and also watch every movie that I haven't seen yet (like Walk the Line). Somehow in there, I have an interview in San Antonio, and an ND Young Alumni St. Paddy's Day party in downtown Houston, and my friend Joe's wedding at the end of break.

Hopefully I can keep that nice mix of laziness and actually getting some stuff done. But, for now, back to con law.

----------------------------
Favorite moment from the A&F show is still:

Professor Dzienkowski saying the line, "Wait - I can turn back time and change my cheating and swindling ways! Weeeeeeeeeee!"

or, from the skits video:

Professor Wellborn: "When I was asked if I would want to be dean, I thought, well, if you take one of those giant cucumbers, the ones with the radiation, and you told me, given a choice between being dean of the law school and shoving that entire cucumber up my rectum, I'd say: Grease up the cucumber."

BURN!

And now, I actually leave you with a photo from Saturday night's party, themed "Brokeback Mounting" (yeah, I don't know either. And no, that's not my gun.)

You know you're a genius when

You can write lyrics like these (to the tune of Jewel's "Foolish Games"):

"Some stupid question with five kids and six parents in four different colored canoes
I guess I failed to notice,
I guess I failed to see,
If Zanzibar rides with Yolanda, then he can't ride with Xerxes."

Mike, you are my hero. I hate logic games, too.

Does this mean I get to sleep in class?

It has recently been reported that Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg, aka Big Glasses and Tight Bun, fell asleep during oral arguments the other day.

The case had to do with redistricting in the state of Texas. The Republicans redrew the political districts in what appears to be a move to shut a certain group of voters (Hispanics) out of certain districts and into new ones. (In which case it would be racial discrimination, which blah blah blah, I'm not in con law right now and you don't want to hear the explanation).

The article says:

The Supreme Court had put the Texas cases on the fast track, scheduling an unusually long two-hour afternoon session.

The subject matter was extremely technical, and near the end of the argument Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg dozed in her chair. Justices David Souter and Samuel Alito, who flank the 72-year-old, looked at her but did not give her a nudge.

First of all - "unusually long two-hour afternoon session"; how long are they usually in court in the afternoons? I have like four straight hours of class every day, you morons!

Second of all - if both Souter and Alito, who is Chief Justice, noticed, why did they just let her keep sleeping? You would think it's Alito's job to keep order in the court (because things can get pretty crazy in the Supreme Court, with all the basketball playing on the roof), so he probably should've woken her up, right?

That's it, I'm sleeping in class every day from now on.

Shameless plug

Don't forget to get your tickets to "The Big Dzienkowski," Assault & Flattery's
annual spring musical!


Based on the Coen brothers classic, The Big Lebowski, this year's show features Professor Dzienkowski himself in all four performances, and 90 of your most talented classmates. Here's a little taste to whet the appetite....

" An unpaid TLF pledge leads to the confusion of two men, both named John Dzienkowski: one, the Dude, a lazy 4L, the other, the John S. Redditt Professor of State and Local Government. When TLF loan sharks look to collect the pledge from the wrong Dzienkowski, the Dude is forced to survive a feminist vixen, his worthless friends, goose-stepping Rhinelander's, a Gunner empowered by a stolen holy hornbook, and a library investigator hot on the trail of the selfsame book. In the end, it might all just make sense."


The Saturday night performance is sold out, but there are still tickets left for March 3rd to 5th with an evening show Friday, a Saturday matinee at 2 p.m., and a Sunday matinee at 3 p.m. Evening tickets are $12, matinee $10.


Come by the A&F table in the Atrium this week to buy your tickets, t-shirts, and posters! Email assault@law.utexas.edu with any questions.

So, come to the show, and come drink with me afterwards.

Public transportation

So this morning, I finally decide that yes, it is a good idea to drive to school. I've had my car for about two months now, and I've taken it to school about thrice. And each time, I've parked in the garage, which is very convenient, but also, quite expensive. So last week I went out and got myself a C parking permit, which lets me park in some of the further-away parking lots, but hey, it cost me $50 for the rest of the semester, so it's a pretty good deal, right?

This morning, I admit, I leave my house a bit rushed. That's what happens when you are as much of a fan of the snooze button as I am. So I think "Okay, I'll go park in the lot by the LBJ library". I parked there just last week. Granted, I came to school in the afternoon, but hey, should be about the same right? Not a single spot was open. I circled around about three times before I realized that no one is coming to leave, so I go to the only other lot I know I can park in - the one by Disch-Falk field, on the other side of 35. So I finally head over there, park in the LAST row, and head back to the - wait for it - bus stop to take me back to campus. If you have to take a bus to get from your car to campus, that is just TOO FAR. And of course, this bus does not drop me off at the law school. It drops me off at the PAC, which is another five-minute walk or so to the actual law school. So, by the time I actually get to the building itself, I am half an hour late for Property. Oh, well, at least it gave me time to sit in the library and write this entry - a much better use of my time, I think.

Chimpmonaut

This week was the sad end to The Ricky Gervais Show podcast. For those of you pitiful fools who haven't heard it, I think the whole thing will be available for free download on that website. Ricky Gervais is the man who brought you The Office and Extras, along with his co-writer Stephen Merchant. Karl Pilkington, their producer when he was on XM radio, joins them as the star of the show. Now, I don't know if you're really into podcasting. I certainly am not. However, this is more than a podcast. It's a way of life. Karl Pilkington is either a genius or an idiot, and I'm not quite sure which one right now.

One of the things that has been many a topic is the roundness of Karl's head and his resemblance to old British cartoon, Bod.

Read all about Karl here.

Some of Karl's musings include:

Gay people go out too late at the weekend. In reference to the Rod Stewart song 'The Killing of Georgie', they wouldn't have as much trouble if they were in bed by ten.

Gay people should have their own public toilets.

Issac Newton did not contribute much to human civilization as discovering gravity did not affect us as it had always been there. Had everyone been floating about then he would rightfully deserve the amount of credit he receives. Einstein's contribution to humanity is similarly unimpressive as Pilkington has never had to use the theory of relativity, whereas, in contrast, whoever invented the video recorder has received no recognition despite the fact that he watches one a week.

An infinite number of monkeys using an infinite number of typewriters for an infinite amount of time, could not produce the complete work of Shakespeare, unless they have read it.

Chinese people age badly in comparison to other races.

You never see old men eating Twix bars.

He thought the diaries of Anne Frank were "an Adrian Mole sort of thing"

If that doesn't convince you to listen in, I don't know what will. Other than the fact that in every episode, they relay some Monkey News and have had a few about chimps going into space.

Mazel Tov

LA weekend extravaganza! Okay, here is the breakdown.

Thursday night, my flight was delayed an hour getting out of Austin. Also, when I checked in, the Southwest guy said "Oh, you know we're stopping in El Paso, right?" Ummm, no I didn't. But thanks for the update. After a long and annoying flight, I finally make it to LA, where I am picked up by Goat. Looking forward to The Office night, right? And then we realize... the Olympics are on. And Goat is still sick. So instead, we did some other crazy shit, and despite what Goat says, it's totally true. The thing about going to the west coast is the time change - so I was exhausted by midnight and awake by 7am. Crap-tastic.

Friday, Greg found his way over to the Sheldon Chateau and we went to the Warner Brothers studio lot to putz around and not look like tourists. You know how they do those tours in the golf carts? We waved at them like we were important people when they walked by. We had lunch at this restaurant on the lot, and Greg pointed out the women in nurses uniforms. So what, they're nurses! Oh wait, no they're not. They're extras on ER.

After that, we went to Disney Studios, where Greg had a meeting and it proceeded to rain. Thanks a lot, LA. I hate you. After that, we decided that since it was raining, we would drive around and see the LA sights. So we drove through Hollywood, Sunset Boulevard, Beverly Hills, and attempted to make it Santa Monica. At some point on the way to Santa Monica, we started getting stuck in traffic. And were in traffic for, oh, about TWO HOURS. God, I hate you, Los Angeles! So finally, we did make it to Santa Monica, and met up with Goat, Ben Merello, Booter, Matthias, and about 5 of Matthias' girl friends for dinner at a pretty good Mexican place. We ended up leaving there around 11, and instead of continuing the rocking, I proceeded to fall asleep after a couple of episodes of Entourage.

Saturday, Greg and I picked up Anglee at the airport and went to Manhattan Beach for lunch and finally getting in the Pacific Ocean. This part of LA, I don't mind so much. We then proceeded to Toys R Us to get Alison's wedding presents. That's right - we went off registery and got Alison and Dan a huge stack of board games. Because, we love board games! And let's face it, we're her wacky high school friends, so we couldn't get her traditional gifts - come on! We made it to our hotel after that, and went to dinner with Alison and her family at The Cheesecake Factory. How is that still in business? There's always, always a giant wait, so you're frustrated by the time you sit down, something always goes wrong with the service, and the food is never as great as you expect after all your trouble.

Sunday was wedding day! We heard a rumor from Alison's mom that the hotel was going to shut down all the power and water between 11pm and 5am. Ummm, what? How are you doing business? We called the front desk to see if it was true, and they said, "Oh, didn't you get the notice?" No, we didn't, you fuckers. Now, we're checking out because I don't want to spend my night worrying about if I have to use the bathroom, am I going to waste the one flush our room gets tonight? Or, you know, using the lamps past 11pm. "No, it's okay because it's after eleven." Not all of us go to bed at 5pm. Needless to say, we checked out and packed our stuff and got a hotel near LAX for Sunday night.

The wedding itself was fantastic - everyone looked great, and the rabbi seemed to know a lot about Ali and Dan, and interspersed some stories about them, and he smashed the glass on the first try. I'd never been to a Jewish wedding before, so it was interesting to see the differences between most weddings I've been to and this one. Also, the reception - so much fun. The circle dancing - I don't know what it's called, but it's awesome. Everyone from the 11-year-old-cousin who is too young to have fun but too old to run around and be crazy to the 90-something year old grandpas were in the circle, and I somehow made it into the family circle at one point. Ali and Dan sucessfully joined hands in the chair-lifting part of the dance, and Dan nearly fell out, which would have made for an awesome wipe-out. I know I'm Catholic, but can I have a Jewish reception? Please?Finally, one last pictures of the tower of gifts. Because we're proud of the construction and the presentation of it.

Sunday night was finding a hotel, and then driving around the LAX area for like AN HOUR trying to find a restaurant that didn't have a drive-through. Turns out, it doesn't exist! LA does not follow the rule of strip malls, that every time there is a Lowe's, Starbucks, Sprint, there needs to be a Chili's, Applebee's or Bennigan's. Goat, you need to move. Or talk to the Chili's people. Please.

Lizett will be out of the office

Lizett will be out of the office from Thursday through Monday. She will not be responding to e-mails or IMs, but expects many drunk dials from the pub crawl.

Sunday is Alison's wedding. What? SUNDAY? Oh my. I've never been to a Jewish wedding, so it should be a fun new experience. And I've never been to Los Angeles, so I'm looking forward to gawking at celebrities (because I'm sure they're on every corner, just waiting to take pictures with me, right? Right??)

So I realized yesterday that my bundt cake plan will have to wait until I get home to Houston because I lack a bundt cake pan. I can't even celebrate the opposite of Martin Luther King Day, because while I have the Diet Coke (and was fully prepared to make the bundt cake), there is no pan and therefore no proper receptacle.

Hopefully lots of ridiculous pictures from this weekend, first with my adventures with Goat and the men of Sheldon Chateau and then wedding craziness.

My name is Gertrude

This weekend was the epitome of old lady-ness. I was in bed before midnight every night this weekend - better than I usually do during the week! What the hell?

Friday I at least had some social interaction by going to Happy Hour at Trudy's with Kat, Sheila, and Della. Tim stopped by for a bit, too, so that was fairly cool. It was a good time, and Trudy's margaritas are pretty glorious. Seeing as I drove, I stayed away from the Mexican Martini, but the Mexican Martini is probably the best drink ever invented. They only allow you to order two and then you're done drinking for the night - they're that strong. Granted, you get the entire shaker, but that justifies the price. After that, I went to Sheila's house to play with her puppy! Double awesomeness.

Dinorah and I realized that we have watched six rented movies and one on TV in the last two weekends. Flightplan, Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants, The Upside of Anger, Alfie, I Heart Huckabees, and In Her Shoes. Plus, Say Anything was on TV. Glooorious. At this rate, we would put Netflix out of business. Hopefully this never happens again, though, because it is sort of sad, and I'm a little embarassed to admit it.

In other news, I made it on the staff of the Texas Review of Entertainment and Sports Law - huzzah! What does that mean? I'm not sure yet, but it seems like they'll be shoving some shit work my way, editing and de-italicizing periods, that sort of thing.

Apologies to those of you waiting on my Diet Coke cake... I spent most of this weekend (the part where I wasn't watching movies) researching about river otters and home owner's associations for an oral report I have to give a couple of hours. Hopefully I can do it this week, and the world will finally know what happens when you use Diet Coke instead of regular.

Hearsay exception

Just a fun little video if you happen to be taking Evidence... or you know, enjoy videos made with Leggo men.

You're all waaaay down here now

Thanks to Eddie and Megan's diligence, I am now hooked on the Buffalo Wings and Vodka blog, written by a 3L here at Texas. I know his name is Mike. And apparently he's the editor of Law Review. And now it is my mission to meet this guy. Sure, there are more admirable goals, like meeting an actual celebrity or graduating law school, but in the right now, I'm totally going to make this guy my friend.

Unfortunately for all you chumps out there who blog, Mike's blog has suddenly jumped to #1 on my super secret arbitrary ranking of blogs. Goat comes in a close second for mentioning me coming to visit as a Not Sucky thing about the next few weeks. Also, props to Eliz for finally making the Coke Bundt Cake. The rest of you better start getting real witty real fast or start sending me bribes.

Books and shit

Well, that last one backfired. And I look like a 12-year-old girl. In order to counteract that, I am going to talk about the books I've read so far this year. Make me look all smart and shit. I'm going to try and read more for fun, despite the mountains of reading I'm supposed to be doing for law school. I'm not going to lie, sometimes my fun reading gets precedent over my school reading. While I was in Houston over break, the bookstore in the mall was closing so every book was 50% off - I cashed in baby! So, here we go, my reviews for the books I've read so far. (Warning: the list is short. It's only been a month!)

• Dreams From My Father, by Barack Obama. A pretty good memoir about his childhood. I sort of expected more of his later years, heading towards the Senate, but his childhood story and discovering his past is pretty cool. He's a great writer (I mean, he was President of Harvard Law Review, so I guess that makes him a pretty good writer). For a story about race, it concentrates almost exclusively on African Americans in the south side of Chicago. Overall, though, I highly recommend it, and he may be winning me over politically (shhhh!)
• About a Boy, by Nick Hornby. His follow-up to High Fidelity. High Fidelity is one of my all-time favorite books, and About a Boy does a pretty good job as a follow up, but is pretty different in terms of the story. It is funny, though, and, as is usually the case, the book is better than the movie.
• Feel, by Chris Heath. What started out as an interview with Robbie Williams turned into a book. I am personally enjoying this because I'm a Robbie Williams fan and recognize a lot of the references, but I think it's overall a really transparent tell-all about the music industry and the effects of the paparazzi. Highly recommended.

Well, that's it for now. I told you, it's only been a month. And I bet you don't want to read any reviews of my casebooks. So see? I am smart!

Guilty pleasures

We all have those things that we adore, but don't really admit to anyone because, well, they're a little embarassing, and you know that as an educated person with a fine taste for entertainment, you really shouldn't. So, in an effort to be a little more open and get the dialogue moving, I am going to share a few of mine and ask (no - demand) that you share one with everyone else. Now, it doesn't have to be your secret addiction to transexual hookers, just something like, you really like to wear footie pajamas. Or something like that. My list includes:

• Dancing with the Stars - So hokey, and really not that much to it. Some washed-up celebrities learn how to ballroom dance! Who cares? Well, I do. I really do. I want Jerry Rice to win it all, because, he used to play football! And I enjoy Lisa Rinna flipping out like a little kid every time she doesn't get eliminated. Also, how is Master P still in the running?
  
• The new Beyonce single - I think she says some sort of variation of "Check up on it" about ten thousand times. It's so formulaic and repetitive. I love it!
• Mary Kate and Ashley lip gloss - Damn you, Emily, for turning me to the MK and A line of cosmetics. But you've gotta admit, they're cheap and pretty really okay looking.
• Reruns of Home Improvement - That show is so dated, I really should not be laughing at those jokes anymore. But, I still do. Tim Allen grunting like a gorilla is still pure comic genius, if you ask me.
• There and Back - Another TV show that, all things being equal, I should loathe. But Ashley something from O-Town actually doesn't seem like too much of a tool and the pregnancy drama is pretty interesting. Also, it's hilarious to see a former teen star live in a home that looks like it could easily be in my neighborhood.
• Oyez.org - Supreme Court news, famous cases, and podcasts of oral arguments. Wow, I am a nerd.
  

Now, just remember that despite all this, I do like some very sophisticated things. Yes... veeery sophisticated.

Issuespotting

Choose law. Choose a job. Choose a career. Choose a respectable law school. Choose an effing big laptop. Choose roller bags, highlighters, post-it notes, sticky flags and commercial outlines. Choose eight a.m. classes, stale bagels, and a frappuccino addiction. Choose student loan debt bigger than the GDP of Belgium. Choose the Subway diet. Choose puking on the hiring partner at a business-casual reception. Choose the billable hour and wonder why you're at work on a Sunday morning. Choose sitting in an office writing mind-numbing, spirit-crushing memos, stuffing leftover Chinese take-out in your mouth. Choose rotting away at the end of it all, drooling on yourself at the firm Christmas party, married to your eighty-year-old secretary, and realize that you're nothing more than an embarassment to the selfish, stuck-up, overpaid associates you have recruited to replace yourself.

Choose your future.

Choose Law.

*The following has been the tagline for last year's Assault and Flattery show, Issuespotting.
**Assasult and Flattery is the satirical law school musical/skit show put on every year at Texas. I'm the lighting designer this year! And this year's show is called The Big Dzienkowski.

When the hell did I get so pale

Who can say when the cycle of pasty whiteness began, but I suspect a lot of it had to do with when I moved to Indiana, where the sun disappears for at least half the year. But I am back in Texas, where the sun shines mostly all year, and I continue to get whiter and whiter. I think I'm spending too much time indoors, with books and things.

Anyway, tonight was my best friend Laurie's Congrats Happy Away party. Congrats on graduating college, Happy (early) Birthday, and Happy Going Away! Laurie is leaving for basic training on Thursday so we are celebrating all three things at once. And, who doesn't love an excuse for cookie cake?? Brian made fajitas, and it was a good, chill evening with lots of friends and loved ones celebrating the awesomeness that is Laurie. She and I have been friends since sixth grade - the only year we spent together in school! Basically, we crack each other up so much we couldn't stay away.

So... that's my weekend! I'm heading back to Austin tomorrow... yup, should be a fun drive through the rain.

Death by Constitution

Remember how they used to tell you when you were little that jumping into the pool all at once is better than trying to tiptoe in? I think that's what the law school professors were thinking when they decided how to schedule our classes. I'm used to having three, maybe four classes in one day (on a particularly rough day). Now, four is the standard, and I do have a day with five classes. Five law school classes. Each with its own assignment and homework to do. Not only that, but the reading assignments seem to have grown exponentially since last semester. Weee! No use in easing us in, just throw us in the pool!

To top off all that, my body decided to reject the idea of going back to school by getting sick just in time for the first day of class. So yes, I am that girl in class who is constantly blowing her nose and generally being disgusting and sick. My eyes hurt.

MILK day

Does anyone remember that time we went over to Eliz and Scolson's house like, right after they moved in, and they were showing off that bar and kegerator and somehow the subject of a milk keg came up, and then, the joke of Martin Luther King in a keg was born? Yeah, probably not. But it was funny! And I remembered it today, on MLK Day. So, milk kegs 4 lyfe.

Last night I went to the Texas national championship celebration. Seeing as I didn't go to any games this year, it was pretty interesting. I learned all sorts of new cheers, much dirtier cheers than I ever did at Notre Dame. So Dana and I went, and we showed up about an hour before the actual program began. Pretty much right when we got there, they started showing clips of the last national championship they won... against Notre Dame in the Cotton Bowl. Gross. Oh, grad students - no loyalty to the schools they currently attend! Either way, it was pretty cool to see the band (even though I objected to the proclamation that the Longhorn Band is "the best band in the country") and they lit up the tower, which is pretty cool looking. You gotta admit, the tower being lit up trumps the #1 on top of Grace. Although, if ND wins another national championship (correction: WHEN ND wins another national championship), I'm sure they'll do something over-the-top and awesome.

Tomorrow we start classes again... boo. But for those of you who were wondering what happened to me over the Christmas break, I will assure you that I will be posting more, as I now have something to procrastinate for.

The PHANTOM

Behold! The car gods have finally smiled upon Lizett and given her a new automobile. She is no longer stranded in Austin, relying on public transportation or a generous friend. She also refuses to DD unless absolutely necessary. Joe Myers Toyota says that this '06 Corolla is "Phantom Grey", so, behold, The Phantom. Also, I'd like to point out that I'm wearing short sleeves. Booya, warm weather!

Hasta luego, chupadores

Yeah, I totally made up the word for suckers in Spanish. You can't stop me!

Happy Festivus! I'm officially done with finals! Over my three week break, I plan to do no more reading than is necessary (probably exclusively cereal boxes) and catch lots of movies and TV. Oh, baby. Today alone I must have put in about 8 hours of TV. VH1's Behind America's Next Top Model? Why not? I have nothing better to do! Two hours of What Not To Wear? Yes, please. I even busted out the Nintendo and played a little Paper Boy this afternoon. In other words, best afternoon of my life.

Tomorrow (yes, on Christmas Eve) I fly out to Mexico to spend Christmas and New Years with my family. That means you won't be able to get in touch with me for like a whole week - I know, it'll be hard for you. That's what this blog is for. And if you ever get lonely, just watch the 'Lazy Sunday' video - it always picks me up.

Merry Christmas, y'all!

Chronic-WHAT-cles of Narnia

Yeah, I know you've seen it. Shut up. It's funny!

Volverte a ver

I don't know if some of you out there know this, but I'm Hispanic. That's right, 100% My-Parents-Are-From-Mexico Hispanic. My many visits to Mexico each year keep my Spanish language skills up and also keep me up to date with all the hottest Columbian Mexican stars, including Juanes, one of my favorites. Here is is, below, knowing he looks like a badass because he just won a shitload of Grammys.Anyway, so Juanes is coming to Austin! In February! On a Friday night! Meaning that my awesome cousins could potentially drive up to see this concert. Except - oh, wait. Alison Peck is "supposedly" "getting married" that weekend in LA. What the hell, Alison? You planned it this way on purpose, didn't you? All I'm saying is if I don't get a wedding invitation in the mail soon, I'm buying tickets to the concert.

Glorious

My friend Jaime sent out an e-vite to a post-finals drinking bash and included the following hilarioius graphic in it. It took me a while to realize, but those are all our first-year professors. Brilliant!

A little breather to regain my sanity

So my last post (which I believe was about a week ago) didn't make much... sense. In any sense of the word. I blame finals. That was definitely me at my worst. Sleep deprived and just anxious to get things over with. But now, the clouds have parted and birds are singing. Why am I so happy? Am I done with finals? No, of course not! But the two awful ones are over with, so I may as well be done.

You can't get too upset studying for crimnal law. Law and Order and all its successful spin-offs are based on this branch of the law entirely. You don't see any lawyer shows about contracts, and God help anyone who even attempts to pitch a show about civil procedure, because they will be bludgeoned and tortured by any law student or lawyer in a fifty-mile radius. Hell, anyone in a fify-mile radius who even listens to them explain the basic concepts would probably go on a killing spree.

Yesterday was our civil procedure final, which was... yeah. Pretty insane. Worst test of my life? Definitely. But the main point is, it's over! Last night, to celebrate, I hosted a wee Christmas party for the law school folks. It was pretty chill, and I think exactly what a lot of us needed to relax after our anyeurisms of the whole week. After, a few of us went to this... warehouse party? It was bizzare, that's for sure. It was in East Austin, which is... not the most respectable part of town. So we pull up and there are lots of "alternative" or shall we say "cool" people coming in and out of this house. There's a stray dog somewhere in the entrance, and what appears to be a hobo-style garbage can fire in the back. *Note: I tried to search for "garbage can fire" on Google Images, and could not find an acceptable one. So we hung out on the porch for a while and returned to the relative safety and normalcy of our friend Joe's apartment. On the way out, the stray dog was wearing a t-shirt.

There's no way to catch a cold from standing around outside in the cold, right? I geniously decided not to bring a jacket because I thought we would be inside and then insisted I would be okay since I went to Notre Dame, bitches, and I can handle the cold! Maybe it was a bad idea...

Weeeee

Hey everyone, it's one in the morning on a Saturday! Well, Sunday I guess. Guess what I did all weekend? STUDY. Hoo boy, it doesn't get much more exciting than the life of a law student. John Grisham, you dirty liar. Law school isn't as glamorous as The Pelican Brief. You LIED. [Insert joke about reliance here; watch my soul go out the window]

Everything you've heard about finals... is true. I'm hoping for a freak-out on Monday's test from someone in my section, Freshman-Chemistry-in-Stepan style. To quote Jason Lawhorn, after our test on Monday, "I'm going to drink until I pass out." Hell yes, you are.

Hmm, this isn't turning out to be as hilariously sleep-deprivingly witty as I had hoped. Reggie Bush won the Heisman - I hate you, USC. With the fury of a thousand suns. Our only salvation is Jeff Samardzija. Help me Jeff Samardzija, you're my only hope. Shark, is your hair prettier than mine? Or perhaps just longer... Either way this picture is proof that Jeff Samardzija should have won the Heisman. Hello, is that not a perfect Heisman pose??

I'm going to go sleep under an overpass tonight. It'll help me appreciate that finals aren't that bad. Kat says to throw trash at me, so I get the full effect. So look for me under I-35! I hear you can learn some valuable lessons that way. "And that's why you always leave a note".

Also, a certain contracts professor has man boobs. I won't say which one, but I hear he has a close, personal relationship with Farnsworth. He also enjoys wearing thin Calvin Klein shirts on the weekends when he holds review sessions. I'll let you figure it out for yourselves.

One more tip - if you're just about to go to bed, don't watch old Baritone slide shows. It'll fill your heart with the wonderful memories of when you drank all the time with no consequences. ERRRM, I LOVE YOU, BILLY. Good God, let's just let the shit show begin.

School's out

The entire University of Texas shut down at 2pm because an ice storm is coming through. Look out, the temperature is dropping below 32 degrees, and it's sprinkling! Everybody shut down the city!

Haha, ohhh what a change from Notre Dame days, where I never had class cancelled due to weather. They made an announcement in the library that because the whole University is closed, the Law Library is also closed... pure mayhem. What?? The Library is closed? WHERE AM I GOING TO STUDY. I can't study at home!!! Finals are in less than a week! OH, GOD.

So our Contracts class was cancelled, which is awesome because he's going to reschedule it for Friday so we can learn something new just in time for our final on Monday. Super Awesome McSweetSweet. I'll kill you, weather. And Sokolow.

The Final Countdown

T-minus one week until finals begin.

Randomness

I like to give people I don't know but encounter on a regular basis nicknames that reflect what they are usually doing when I see/hear them. For example, my upstairs neighbor is Stompy because I can always hear when she comes home from the building-shaking steps she takes. The kids next door... well, they're just the Damn Neighbor Kids. They like to play outside at ungodly hours of the morning, usually with a basketball which I can only assume they bounce directly on my bedroom wall by the volume and intensity of the bounces.

Item #2 - The Lemon Law
First introduced on the TV show How I Met Your Mother, the Lemon Law allows you five minutes at the beginning of a date to call it off if you can see that things are not going well. Named after the law that allows you to return and get your money back for a "lemon" car, this allows you to ensure that you don't waste precious nights out with your friends with some loser. Pictured at left: The Lemon Law card, which you give to your prospective date right before walking away. Note: This seems like a good idea in theory, but I can't say I've put it into practice seeing as law school has taken over my social life. Try it out, tell me how it works for you!

Item #3 - Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey split up - oh man, this has only been the headline of so many magazines for, what, six months? Frankly, I'm glad. Now I won't have to see their ugly mugs on the cover of every magazine every week. People I know are actually genuinely upset that they are splitting up - come on. It's not like they're your friends who you thought were meant to be and this is shaking the very foundation of marriage and everything you believe in - grow up.

And last but not least, thanks to Samantha for pointing out that our criminal law professor, Michael Sharlot, is really Barty Crouch, of Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire fame. Just see for yourself. (Barty Crouch is on the left).

Just call me Lizett Wells

So this post was supposed to be all about how I went on this Wells family trip to the movies, and how I feel like part of their family. Such a nice, wholesome Friday night - Dad and Marissa went to go see Chicken Little, while Andrew, Phil, Mom, and I went to see Harry Potter. So I thought to myself, you know what would be funny? If I got one of Phil's pictures of his family off of facebook and Photoshopped my way in them. And then, as I looked up the pictures, I realized... wow, that is really creepy. So, while I did feel like another Wells sibling that night, and I do love their family, Photoshopping my way into their family is just a step further than I am willing to go.

Asshole Bingo = very yes

Some of you may have seen this article already from Megan's blog. It describes, fairly accurately I might say, the law school experience (especially first year) and introduced me to the fabulous game that is Asshole Bingo (or as we might put it, Gunner* Bingo). Asshole Bingo is made up of a 'bingo card' with all your classes across the top and five assholes from you section (or 'gunners') along the side, in whichever order you choose.

So let's say for example, you have Gunner #2 on the left side and "Crim Law" on the top somewhere, and surprise, surprise, Gunner #2 has a question in Crim Law. Then you would mark an X in that box. First to bingo wins! This seems like yet another hilarious way to pass the one hour of class. Well done, Miss Doxie.

I think my favorite section, though, is the part where she pinpoints when your soul dies. And yes, for those of you who are interested, my soul is dead:

Because, see, law school makes you insane. There are no exceptions. Soon you will be nuts.

And it comes on slowly at first; you'll be at a party with other first years... Someone will fall over during a keg stand, or fall down a flight of stairs, or SOME accident will occur, and instead of calling the party foul, as would be appropriate in such an instance, one of your classmates will instead turn to the group and say, "That is a tort."

And you will AGREE. And you will LAUGH. Because it is TRUE.

Now. You have just passed an important milestone! At this point, your soul is dead. Sorry.

*Gunner = someone who shoots their arm into the air each time the professor asks a question or when a student who is called on hesitates for a fraction of a second.

Probably the best haiku ever

Yeah, my haiku tribute to Fro was pretty good. But this haiku, by our very own Peanut, is probably the best ever.

Go bleed on the field.
Not the men-stru-a-tion kind.
OOSE MOTHERFUCKERS!!

Oose, indeed.

Recreation

In the old days, blogging twice a week was a feat. I like to post more frequently because it amuses me, and I think inspires others to blog more frequently, which means more things for me to read while in class.

Unfortunately, except for the moment of genius where I thought up the Scientologist Pirate, there hasn't been much time or inspiration. The law library isn't exactly a mecca for creativity. In fact, it crushes my will to live and makes me want to die sometimes.

Today I studied for civil procedure. That class makes me want to gouge my eyes out. Out of hte five or six practice problems our group did, I answered maybe one right. And the thing that kills me is that the exam is multiple choice. You'd think that makes it easier, right? Wrong! Sucker! According to people who have had this class before, a good 8 out of 40 will get you a solid B. I'm going to drink heavily the night before the exam and that'll probably increase my test-taking skills.

So taking a night off to watch TV and eat ice cream is the best I got now.

Lizett's hero of the week

So back in undergrad, the tones had their Baritone Hero of the Week, which was more like the Baritone Hero of Whenever We Feel Like Updating Our Website. I have been yearning to search for a place to show my respects to some special people, so I'd like to post my own Hero of the Week.

This week's hero is the Scientologist Pirate. His teeth are always clenched tight, he jumps on couches, and refuses antidepressants to get him out of his perpetual state of insanity. I hear they can also crush beer cans on their heads. Just imagine it... crooked-teethed, hook-handed, anti-depressant-hating, eye-patched lunatics jumping on sofas. I'm pretty sure they could kick a Rastafarian pirate's ass. AND they have crystals.

So here's to you, Scientologist Pirate. You are friends with Tom Cruise... and that's a score against you, but we love you anyway.

I still love you, Bluth Family

DEPRESSING DEVELOPMENT: Fox all but confirmed late Thursday that Arrested Development has been canceled. Not only is the show being pulled off the air until Dec. 5, but Arrested's third-season order has been slashed from 22 episodes to just 13. (Arrested's Monday-night companion Kitchen Confidential is also cooked.) And how's this for stomach-churning irony: The Bluths got the hook the same day that ABC extended a full-season order to Freddie.

The UPS guys are still in shorts

The apocalypse is coming, my friends. How do I know this? Today is November 9, and the high was 89 degrees, with no sign of it getting any cooler. Sure, it's been a little cooler before when random rebel cold fronts have come through, but generally it has been amazing weather here. I honestly don't remember if it was always this nice in November or if I'm just making a big deal out of it because I've been in the frozen tundra for the past four winters, but it is glorious. I almost went swimming yesterday because it was so hot out. I didn't, but I could've if I wanted to!

And to relate this all to the heading, I saw a UPS guy today still wearing his trusty brown shorts. I gotta say, I love Texas in November

So, come here often?

That's right my friends, I actually heard that comment come from a male's mouth this Saturday night in a pick-up attempt. The only thing more ridiculous, as we all know, is "What's your sign?" I know men do some crazy things to attempt to get in a girl's pants, but this is ridiculous.

I'm a little dissapointed at the lack of comments on my previous post. I couldn't have handed you better material than "A ten day salute to sausage". It was actually a really great time. I went to Wurstfest with Sheila and her mother. This is way bigger than I originally imagined. Tons of booths full of all different kinds of sausage, including something called the ultimate sausage on a stick - five different kinds of sausage and a bun on a kabob stick. I decided to stick to the cheddarwurst and some PaulAner, which hit me pretty hard (maybe it's because it was 11 am?). Tim showed up around 1 or 1:30, after the ferris wheel riding but just in time to see the polka band, yodelers and clogging. We made it back to Austin around 5:30, just in time for me to get showered up and head off to see Movin' Out. Turns out they screwed up my tickets, so they ended up just giving me tickets in the seventh row back and right smack in the middle. You could see the sweat dripping off the dancers (which can be great, or just kind of creepy).

So anyway after the show Della and I went down to Fado on 4th street. Fado is a really sweet Irish pub with a rooftop patio that I guess is supposed to look like an Irish alley? We were up there listening to this Irish-punk type band - reminded me a lot of Flogging Molly, but they played a lot of Johnny Cash. It is here where I heard the aforementioned pick-up line. That's when Della and I knew we had to get out of there.

The rest of the weekend was pretty uneventful, but Saturday's adventures were enough for me.

Wurst-fest

Last night I went to Alamo Draft House to go see North Country. This whole event was actually my idea, and it was cleverly executed by my friend Sheila, who actually has connections, such as "knowing" who the people in charge are and being able to "get in contact" with them. The Women's Law Caucus paid for our movie tickets + food + drinks. So I got a free ticket + free personal pizza + splitting a bucket of Rolling Rock. Delicious. The movie itself was really good, but of course slightly disturbing because it's about women getting sexually harrassed in some sort of mine in Minnesota, so there are the requisite "Look how bad guys are to women" scenes. Then I came home and read a chapter of sexual assault cases for crim law. Pretty much the most depressing night ever.

This weekend, however, is looking up. Tomorrow is some thing called Wurst-Fest. Basically, Sheila's husband Tim is in a bike race from Austin to New Braunfels and we're going to pick him up and attend some sort of festival that involves brats and German beer, and perhaps some clogging. We're a little unclear on the details. In case you haven't noticed, I don't go anywhere unless it involves beer or food, and preferably both.

Lee Corso is a penis

Yeah, I'm sure all of you have already seen it because everyone who reads my blog probably also reads Mal's, but here it is:
You're right, my friend. Lee Corso is a penis.

Anyway, this week has been fairly uneventful. People are starting to get all riled up about getting ready for finals - and they're a little more than six weeks away. Calm down, people. Your constant jabbering and nervous twitching is making me uneasy. I don't want to freak out about finals. I really don't. So please stop freaking out. Tomorrow the Women's Law Caucus is paying for our tickets to go see North Country. All I can say is, thumbs up for free movie tickets. And since it's at Alamo Draft House, it also means thumbs up for free food. And free beer. Oose?