Stolen from Kat

Because it's easier to do this than be creative. See Kat's responses here.

Instructions:

* Put your music player on shuffle.
* Press forward for each question.
* Use the song title as the answer to the question, even if it doesn't make any sense.

1. How am I feeling today? “Fin de semana” - Estoppa
2. Will I get far in life? “When I’m 64” - Beatles
3. How do my friends see me? “La Vie Boheme” - Rent
4. Where will I get married? “King Without a Crown” - Matisyahu (So I'm having a Jewish wedding?)
5. What is my best friend? “When You Got It, Flaunt It” - Producers
6. What is the story of my life? “I’ve Got A Dark Alley And A Bad Idea That You Should Shut Your Mouth (Summer Song) – Fallout Boy
7. What was high school like? “I Don’t Know What It Is” – Rufus Wainwright
8. How can I get ahead in life? “You’re A Good Man, Charlie Brown” - YAGMCB... So, stick to theatre?
9. What is the best thing about me? “You’ve Got A Friend In Me” – Toy Story Soundrack
10. What is today going to be like? “Voice Mail #3” – Rent (the one where Mark’s mom congratulates him for making TV and Alexi from Buzzline calls to hire him)
11. What is in store for this weekend? “Houses” – Mitch Hedberg
12. What song describes my parents? “Home Life” – John Mayer
13. To describe my grandparents? “Everything Will Be All Right” – The Killers
14. How is my life going? “My Sherona” – The Knack (no sense)
15. What song will they play at my funeral? “Stacked Actors” – Foo Fighters
16. How does the world see me? “Big Rock Candy Mountain” – O Brother, Where Art Thou Soundtrack
17. Will I have a happy life? “I Wish You Well” – Letters to Cleo/Josie and the Pussycats
18. What do my friends really think of me? “No One Else” - Weezer
19. Do people secretly lust after me? “One Man Guy” – Rufus Wainwright
20. How can I make myself happy? “Sugar, We’re Going Down” – Fallout Boy (I can only assume that means eat more candy)
21. What should I do with my life? “Africa” – Toto (That’s it, I’m going to South Africa)
22. Will I ever have children? “The People’s Song” – Les Mis (weird)
23. What is some good advice for me? “More Today Than Yesterday” - Goldfinger
24. How will I be remembered? “Te Dejo Madrid” – Shakira… so for being in Spain at some point?
25. What is my signature dancing song? “Ojos Asi” – Shakira… yeah, not really this song so much, but I’ll shake my booty to Shakira
26. What is my current theme song? Ariette Lyrique – Strauss (from Horn Concerto… doubt it)
27. What does everyone else think my current theme song is? “Es Por Ti” – Juanes… again, doubt it.

As promised...

So maybe it is Tuesday morning now, but so what?

I've barely had time to try and fix the things that are wrong with my blog, let alone post or actually put up all the links I had before. Yarrr.

Anyway, I figured a play-by-play of the weekend would probably be boring, so here are a few key phrases we picked up from various people we met this weekend:

- "Listen up, airborne"
- "You talk a lot of shit for a white girl" (Notice that this was said to a Mexican and a half-Asian girl)
- "I really am kind of a big deal!"
- "Psh, 1L? I'm kind of like a 4L"
- "Pearl Jam, what?"

Needless to say, the people we met were Kind Of Actually A Big Deal. Riiiight.

Pictures to come when Kim sends them to me.

Friday night we took this awesome tricked-out cab back to my place. It has a blacklight and - get this - on-demand video screens. We jammed to some Justin Timberlake and the cabbie played Toto, and I tipped him 1,000%

Softball championship game is sometime this week. We're in the finals - go Bradford!

How horrifying

I love Post Secret. It's sort of fascinating to see what people send in. This postcard below is from this week. Strange thing is, it doesn't surprise me.



Note the Emmanuels supplement by the toilet.

I promise to update soon with the weekend wrap-up, which will be much more uplifting and entertaining than this.

You know what that means!

So, I am posting at 1 am. That can only mean that I have an assignment due tomorrow! And I do! Ding ding ding! Actually, I'm pretty much done. There's only so much fake-revision one can do.

So for Zombie Jesus weekend, my family came up to Austin to visit me. Hurray, family! My parents stayed with our good old family friends John and Dora, who live near my apartment. One I of their daughters, Aurora (or "Catherine", which is her middle/stage name) is in a telenovela in Mexico, which makes me feel pretty darn special. I know a... kind of... famous person... in Mexico! Friday, when they got here, I ate out for three meals. Yes, three full meals. And dessert. I was set to explode.

Saturday, I ditched the family for a law school booze cruise. I'm sorry parents, we've been planning this since February or so. This takes precedent. It was a pretty awesome time, just chilling on the boat, drinking beer provided by Fulbright & Jaworski, and we actually docked somewhere on Lake Travis to get out and swim. And by swim, I mean, use the SLIDE. That's right, a slide attached to the boat. Best thing ever. In gratitude to Fulbirght & Jaworski, we had to take a picture of all of us being happy on the boat with the F&J sign they provided for us. How nice of them. Let me just say, that I foresee a lot of female job offers from F&J, considering how many of us were in our bathing suits when that picture was taken. BONG.

My parents were supposed to leave Saturday, but decided to stick around Sunday for Easter mass. Another giant meal, care of the parents. Thank youuuu. All this family time does mean that I got zero studying and very little progress done on my memo. Which brings us to where I am tonight, writing this at 1 am.

Kim comes tomorrow, which means another unproductive weekend! And Mal is coming the weekend after that! When am I actually going to study for finals? Never, that's when. Bye bye, GPA. It was fun while it lasted. Let's hope my summer job experience can get me a decent offer next summer.

This guy is almost as sarcastic as me

So this is blatantly stolen from Judd, but I had to repost this opinion. This is a federal district court's opinion refusing a motion to transfer by a big Northeastern corporation from Galveston to Houston. You must read it all. Judges can do whatever the hell they want, apparently, and I love it.

Defendant's request for a transfer of venue is centered around the fact that Galveston does not have a commercial airport into which Defendant's employees and corporate representatives may fly and out of which they may be expediently whisked to the federal courthouse in Galveston. Rather, Defendant contends that it will be faced with the huge "inconvenience" of flying into Houston and driving less than forty miles to the Galveston courthouse, an act that will "encumber" it with "unnecessary driving time and expenses." This Court being somewhat familiar with the Northeast, notes that perceptions about travel are different in that part of the country than they are in Texas. A litigant in that part of the country might be shocked at having to travel fifty miles to try a case, but in this vast state of Texas, such a travel distance would not be viewed with any surprise or consternation. Defendant should be assured that it is not embarking on a three-week-long trip via covered wagons when it travels to Galveston. Rather, Defendant will be pleased to discover that the highway is paved and lighted all the way to Galveston, and thanks to the efforts of this Court's predecessor, Judge Roy Bean, the trip should be free from rustlers, hooligans, or vicious varmints of unsavory kind. Defendant will be pleased to know that regular limousine service is available from Hobby Airport, even to the steps of this humble courthouse, which has got lights, indoor plummin', 'lectric doors, and all sorts of new stuff, almost like them big courthouses back East.

Joe Jamail is my hero

He's won the largest verdict in history, $12 billion in Pennzoil v. Texaco. I hear he was a pretty crappy student here at UT, and that gives me hope. And, in this glorious video, he can incite violence and use curse words all throughout his deposition, while calling the other lawyers fat. He will END YOU. God bless you, Joe Jamail.

I am a waste of space

I fell into a slump recently. A no updating slump. I know you all have been checking my blog, wondering, what happened at Notre Dame? What is going on in your life? Did you catch the AIDS from Nips? ARE YOU EVEN STILL ALIVE? While you would think that the answer is yes, I am dead, and that is the only excuse for not blogging, I am, in fact, alive.

It's Monday - let me tell you about my weekend. No, not this last weekend. The weekend before that.

So I leave for ND on Thursday and I have a stopover in Cincinnati, where there are a few young 'uns sitting around waiting to go to Prospective Students Weekend at ND. "Are you going to ND for Prospective Students Weekend?", they ask me. No, I graduated last year. But thanks.

So, I guess the weekend can be summed up in terms of failed missions. And a few successes. Let's tally it up.

• V for Vendetta: Success. Awesome. And inspired Mal to try and convince me to shave my head, which, for all interested, will not be happening. I don't think I can pull it off nearly as good as Natalie Portman does.
  
• Outdoor activity: Success and failure. Mini-golf = success. Frisbee = extreme pain and finger jammage and nail breakage.
  
• Baking: The one thing (other than V) that we actually had planned for the weekend. Failure. Total and utter failure. We bought the cake mix and icing... and proceeded to sit on our ass all weekend.
• Outings with the undergrads: Success and failure. Barnaby's = success with tasty beer and pizza. Legends = success with a side of awkwardness. Club Fever = total failure and a walk back to Oak Hill while only slightly drunk.
• Mothball's trip to Slovenia: Total failure. Resulted in much bitterness and insanity. However, out of the insanity, new catchphrases: Complete success. We now have "Jesus, Billy!" and "Mason-Dixon line!" Haha, only Mal and Ball get that reference.
• Hacienda: Success, and Aaron was working that night. And kissed my hand. Ummm.... I don't know how to respond. Just drink a giant margarita.
  
• Salome: Complete success. Good job, guys.
  

Well, that's about all for the wrap-up. All in all, it was a successful weekend, despite the fact that most the things we planned ended up being complete failures.

This weekend can be summed up like this: weird Japanese movie and a new dartboard and a newfound love of peppermint patties. You can make any drink out of the leftovers you have in your cupboards. Oose!

I will kill you, airlines, weather, and everyone involved

After a long and uninteresting story about how I was stuck at the Cincinnati airport for 6 hours, I have no energy to blog about the weekend. So, I will simply leave you with the original Chuck Norris, Bill Brasky.

Everyone come see how good I look

Well, my friends, I'm going to leave you for several days. I'm going to South Bend this weekend, where I am to look for ND sandals for Jaimie, go see Miguel's play, and basically get into drunken foolish debauchery. I'll let you know if I survive.

I've spent the last 3 hours filling out forms for my internship this summer. Tentative on my passing the background check, I'll be working for the Department of Justice, Executive Office of Immigration Review, which means I get to do grunt work for 5 judges instead of just one. And apparently it means I need to fill out about 10,000 pages of employment history and people that know me. I don't know if I have that many friends, United States Government. Leave me alone.

Finally, I leave you with a request to pray for Vnak and Katie. Most of you who read this know them, but for those of you who don't, Katie is expecting twins, and one of them is struggling to keep up a bit, it seems. So, check out Vnak's blog for the full story, and let's get some tootin's!

Last inflammatory question: What's worse: Khaki on khaki or denim on denim? YOU DECIDE.

British Invasion

Did anybody happen to catch The Simpsons tonight? I know for most of you, the answer is no. While The Simpsons has been on a steady decline lately, I continue to watch out of sheer habit of watching The Simpsons every Sunday night for the past God knows how many years... at least 8 or 9 (but probably more). If you did, though, man, it certainly paid off. Tonight's episode was entirely written by British star and person I'm currently stalking, Ricky Gervais, and also guest starred his voice. Which means that Ricky Gervais wrote this particularly relevant joke:

British Lady: My husband hasn't satisfied me for years.
Homer: I feel the same way about Notre Dame football.

By which I can only deduce that Ricky Gervais is an Irish fan, and is waiting for Charlie Weiss and our boys to blow everyone out of the water next season. That's exactly what that means. I'm in law school. My logic powers are unstoppable.

Secondly, I would like to send a message to all my lady friends out there, and that is, go get fitted for a bra. I went and did that this weekend, and boy, it has changed my world. I'm not going to disclose details, but my bra size is drastically different than I thought it was. I promise you, it will change your life.

Lastly, Tuesday is our last regular season softball game (that's within law school, so you know it's competitive). I love softball because in our last game, my participation consisted of this:

1. Run out to center field
2. Run back
3. Bat once, then let another girl bat the next time I'm up so everyone gets to bat.
   

And I can still say that our team is 2-0 thanks to me.

This is post 101, and I've been tagged

So I just realized that Goat has tagged me, and a higher power from above forces me to respond. Also, the PopoZao video was post #100 for my blog. Hooray for me!

Four jobs I have had in my life:

1. Assistant Stage Manger - Summer Shakespeare (Notre Dame, IN)
   
2. Cluster Consultant (best job ever) - NDOIT (ND, IN)
   
3. Sales Associate - New York and Company (Houston, TX)
   
4. Phone girl/pizza bitch - Pizza Hut (Houston, TX)
   

Four movies I could watch over and over:

1. When Harry Met Sally ("I have a theory that heiroglyphics are just an ancient cartoon about a guy named Sphinxy.")
   
2. Empire Records ("Whats with today, today?")
   
3. The Rainmaker ("Sworn in by a fool and vouched for by a scoundrel. I'm a lawyer at last.")
4. SNL Best of Will Ferrell (Does this count as a movie? I don't care) - ("Goulet!")

Five places I have lived:

1. Houston, TX
   
2. South Bend, IN
3. Toledo, Spain
   
4. Austin, TX
   
5. Brockton, MA
   

Five TV shows I love to watch:

1. Law and Order: SVU
   
2. What Not To Wear
   
3. Arrested Development
   
4. Scrubs
5. Seinfeld
   

Four websites I visit daily:

1. http://thesuperficial.com
2. http://gofugyourself.typepad.com
   
3. GMail
   
4. http://kittycanscratch.typepad.com
   

Five places I have been on vacation:

1. Cancun, Mexico
   
2. Paris, Rome, London, Dublin, etc. (semester in Europe)
   
3. Toronto, Canada and Boston, MA (fall break trip)
   
4. New York, NY
   
5. Acapulco, Mexico
   

Four of my favorite foods:

1. Baked ziti
   
2. Fajitas
   
3. Chopped beef from Rudy's
   
4. Breakfast tacos
   

Four places I would rather be right now:

1. Cancun (because, it's Cancun)
   
2. South Bend (visiting the Animal House crew) (yeah, so I stole that from Goat, but it's true)
   
3. Monterrey, Mexico (visiting my fam)
   
4. Downtown Austin (as opposed to my apartment)
   

Four friends I am tagging:

1. Eliz
   
2. Kat
   
3. Philip
   
4. Megan
   

Just to reiterate

This video is amazing. Don't pass it up. It's right on my blog... so easy to watch! That's FIRE.

I'm rich, beeyotch

So, Mike has been following the issue of salary increases in big firms very closely. Basically, Vinson and Elkins raised their minimum first-year associate salary, and all the big Texas firms are following suit. What does the increase in base salary from Baker Botts mean? Does it mean less of a chance of income growth per year? Are you going to sign up for a firm and get stuck with their lousy $130,000 a year salary for five years?

I suppose a mega-genius like Mike, who is probably set with his huge firm, has to worry about these things. Law Review editor, general lyric genius. You have the luxury of deciding which mega-firm with mega-salaries to choose from, and what this pay raise means for salaries for years to come.

Me, I'm hoping I get a job at all. A non-paying public interest job, bitches! Take your base salary and shove it.

It's been a while

Well, I haven't posted in over a week, and a lot has happened since then, so there are a lot of things to address. I'll attempt to do it in short, bullet-style fashion, to accomodate the ADD-type attention spans that we all have (and that I currently have, having just chugged two Diet Cokes in a row. Woo caffeine).

• Wedding in Cancun. Awesome wedding, family happy that the first of the grandkids is finally married off, sunny weather, but too windy to go in the ocean. Highlights include renting a golf cart to go around Isla Mujeres (which made me realize just how much we missed out when the baritones did not buy one) and the crazy old guy who joined us in the hot tub and explained how he is not a racist.
• Interview in San Antonio. Went very well, and was actually offered the job today. It's with the Department of Justice, Executive Office of Immigration Review. Working with judges, helping kick illegals out of the country, and keeping those in that can/deserve to stay. Also had a second phone interview today with the Children's Museum in Chicago, so hopefully I'll hear from them by the end of the week, so I can make a decision. (How come this never happened earlier? Where were you, firms? WHERE?)
• Wedding #2: High School Reunion Boogaloo. Our little Joey Michnick is all grown up. Lots of reminiscing with high school friends abound. Blake Calcote plays poker for a living - how awesome is that?
• Falto mini-reunion in San Antonio, by which I mean, Miguel and I went to the mall and to dinner, and made plans for this summer if/when I take the job.
• Benders: I will be in town that last weekend in March - the 30 - April 2. Highlights of the weekend will include seeing Miguel's play and catching up with the genius/insane Anton Juan. Let me know if you want to meet up!
  
• You may be tempted to skip over this link, but I assure you that will be a fatal mistake. Seeing K-Fed in action, rather than on the pages on US Weekly is an experience in itself and PopoZao is... you have to see it for yourself.
• I discovered Ricky Gervais' old radio show on XFM and have discovered that they re-used a bunch of old topics on the new Ricky Gervais podcast! And I lost all faith in humanity.

Um... I think that's it. And I rented Proof, which was pretty good, and Gwyneth Paltrow is sort of insane. Looking forward to playing softball tomorrow!

In high school, I always had problem with the conclusions. Looks like I still have that problem.

Spring Mental Breakdown

Mother of God, do I need this Spring Break. This semester both sucks and blows. The consensus among Section 4 is that everybody cares much less and is immensely less motivated to study or even keep up with the reading. Perhaps some sort of mid-first-year slump? Class attendance is way down for everyone, and there's a general low grumble of dissatisfaction among everyone, not just our section.

So, needless to say, I'm pumped about Spring Break. To start off, I'm leaving Austin a few days early to head to Houston and fly to Cancun for my cousin's wedding. She's getting married on Friday, and I can't wait to go see my family and hang out on the beach for a few days! The one that's getting married is the one in blue - aren't we a pretty family? Yeah, I know.

So I'm getting back to Houston that Sunday, and plan to spend the week actually reading all that stuff I should've done all last month, and also watch every movie that I haven't seen yet (like Walk the Line). Somehow in there, I have an interview in San Antonio, and an ND Young Alumni St. Paddy's Day party in downtown Houston, and my friend Joe's wedding at the end of break.

Hopefully I can keep that nice mix of laziness and actually getting some stuff done. But, for now, back to con law.

----------------------------
Favorite moment from the A&F show is still:

Professor Dzienkowski saying the line, "Wait - I can turn back time and change my cheating and swindling ways! Weeeeeeeeeee!"

or, from the skits video:

Professor Wellborn: "When I was asked if I would want to be dean, I thought, well, if you take one of those giant cucumbers, the ones with the radiation, and you told me, given a choice between being dean of the law school and shoving that entire cucumber up my rectum, I'd say: Grease up the cucumber."

BURN!

And now, I actually leave you with a photo from Saturday night's party, themed "Brokeback Mounting" (yeah, I don't know either. And no, that's not my gun.)

You know you're a genius when

You can write lyrics like these (to the tune of Jewel's "Foolish Games"):

"Some stupid question with five kids and six parents in four different colored canoes
I guess I failed to notice,
I guess I failed to see,
If Zanzibar rides with Yolanda, then he can't ride with Xerxes."

Mike, you are my hero. I hate logic games, too.

Does this mean I get to sleep in class?

It has recently been reported that Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg, aka Big Glasses and Tight Bun, fell asleep during oral arguments the other day.

The case had to do with redistricting in the state of Texas. The Republicans redrew the political districts in what appears to be a move to shut a certain group of voters (Hispanics) out of certain districts and into new ones. (In which case it would be racial discrimination, which blah blah blah, I'm not in con law right now and you don't want to hear the explanation).

The article says:

The Supreme Court had put the Texas cases on the fast track, scheduling an unusually long two-hour afternoon session.

The subject matter was extremely technical, and near the end of the argument Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg dozed in her chair. Justices David Souter and Samuel Alito, who flank the 72-year-old, looked at her but did not give her a nudge.

First of all - "unusually long two-hour afternoon session"; how long are they usually in court in the afternoons? I have like four straight hours of class every day, you morons!

Second of all - if both Souter and Alito, who is Chief Justice, noticed, why did they just let her keep sleeping? You would think it's Alito's job to keep order in the court (because things can get pretty crazy in the Supreme Court, with all the basketball playing on the roof), so he probably should've woken her up, right?

That's it, I'm sleeping in class every day from now on.

Shameless plug

Don't forget to get your tickets to "The Big Dzienkowski," Assault & Flattery's
annual spring musical!


Based on the Coen brothers classic, The Big Lebowski, this year's show features Professor Dzienkowski himself in all four performances, and 90 of your most talented classmates. Here's a little taste to whet the appetite....

" An unpaid TLF pledge leads to the confusion of two men, both named John Dzienkowski: one, the Dude, a lazy 4L, the other, the John S. Redditt Professor of State and Local Government. When TLF loan sharks look to collect the pledge from the wrong Dzienkowski, the Dude is forced to survive a feminist vixen, his worthless friends, goose-stepping Rhinelander's, a Gunner empowered by a stolen holy hornbook, and a library investigator hot on the trail of the selfsame book. In the end, it might all just make sense."


The Saturday night performance is sold out, but there are still tickets left for March 3rd to 5th with an evening show Friday, a Saturday matinee at 2 p.m., and a Sunday matinee at 3 p.m. Evening tickets are $12, matinee $10.


Come by the A&F table in the Atrium this week to buy your tickets, t-shirts, and posters! Email assault@law.utexas.edu with any questions.

So, come to the show, and come drink with me afterwards.

Public transportation

So this morning, I finally decide that yes, it is a good idea to drive to school. I've had my car for about two months now, and I've taken it to school about thrice. And each time, I've parked in the garage, which is very convenient, but also, quite expensive. So last week I went out and got myself a C parking permit, which lets me park in some of the further-away parking lots, but hey, it cost me $50 for the rest of the semester, so it's a pretty good deal, right?

This morning, I admit, I leave my house a bit rushed. That's what happens when you are as much of a fan of the snooze button as I am. So I think "Okay, I'll go park in the lot by the LBJ library". I parked there just last week. Granted, I came to school in the afternoon, but hey, should be about the same right? Not a single spot was open. I circled around about three times before I realized that no one is coming to leave, so I go to the only other lot I know I can park in - the one by Disch-Falk field, on the other side of 35. So I finally head over there, park in the LAST row, and head back to the - wait for it - bus stop to take me back to campus. If you have to take a bus to get from your car to campus, that is just TOO FAR. And of course, this bus does not drop me off at the law school. It drops me off at the PAC, which is another five-minute walk or so to the actual law school. So, by the time I actually get to the building itself, I am half an hour late for Property. Oh, well, at least it gave me time to sit in the library and write this entry - a much better use of my time, I think.

Chimpmonaut

This week was the sad end to The Ricky Gervais Show podcast. For those of you pitiful fools who haven't heard it, I think the whole thing will be available for free download on that website. Ricky Gervais is the man who brought you The Office and Extras, along with his co-writer Stephen Merchant. Karl Pilkington, their producer when he was on XM radio, joins them as the star of the show. Now, I don't know if you're really into podcasting. I certainly am not. However, this is more than a podcast. It's a way of life. Karl Pilkington is either a genius or an idiot, and I'm not quite sure which one right now.

One of the things that has been many a topic is the roundness of Karl's head and his resemblance to old British cartoon, Bod.

Read all about Karl here.

Some of Karl's musings include:

Gay people go out too late at the weekend. In reference to the Rod Stewart song 'The Killing of Georgie', they wouldn't have as much trouble if they were in bed by ten.

Gay people should have their own public toilets.

Issac Newton did not contribute much to human civilization as discovering gravity did not affect us as it had always been there. Had everyone been floating about then he would rightfully deserve the amount of credit he receives. Einstein's contribution to humanity is similarly unimpressive as Pilkington has never had to use the theory of relativity, whereas, in contrast, whoever invented the video recorder has received no recognition despite the fact that he watches one a week.

An infinite number of monkeys using an infinite number of typewriters for an infinite amount of time, could not produce the complete work of Shakespeare, unless they have read it.

Chinese people age badly in comparison to other races.

You never see old men eating Twix bars.

He thought the diaries of Anne Frank were "an Adrian Mole sort of thing"

If that doesn't convince you to listen in, I don't know what will. Other than the fact that in every episode, they relay some Monkey News and have had a few about chimps going into space.

Mazel Tov

LA weekend extravaganza! Okay, here is the breakdown.

Thursday night, my flight was delayed an hour getting out of Austin. Also, when I checked in, the Southwest guy said "Oh, you know we're stopping in El Paso, right?" Ummm, no I didn't. But thanks for the update. After a long and annoying flight, I finally make it to LA, where I am picked up by Goat. Looking forward to The Office night, right? And then we realize... the Olympics are on. And Goat is still sick. So instead, we did some other crazy shit, and despite what Goat says, it's totally true. The thing about going to the west coast is the time change - so I was exhausted by midnight and awake by 7am. Crap-tastic.

Friday, Greg found his way over to the Sheldon Chateau and we went to the Warner Brothers studio lot to putz around and not look like tourists. You know how they do those tours in the golf carts? We waved at them like we were important people when they walked by. We had lunch at this restaurant on the lot, and Greg pointed out the women in nurses uniforms. So what, they're nurses! Oh wait, no they're not. They're extras on ER.

After that, we went to Disney Studios, where Greg had a meeting and it proceeded to rain. Thanks a lot, LA. I hate you. After that, we decided that since it was raining, we would drive around and see the LA sights. So we drove through Hollywood, Sunset Boulevard, Beverly Hills, and attempted to make it Santa Monica. At some point on the way to Santa Monica, we started getting stuck in traffic. And were in traffic for, oh, about TWO HOURS. God, I hate you, Los Angeles! So finally, we did make it to Santa Monica, and met up with Goat, Ben Merello, Booter, Matthias, and about 5 of Matthias' girl friends for dinner at a pretty good Mexican place. We ended up leaving there around 11, and instead of continuing the rocking, I proceeded to fall asleep after a couple of episodes of Entourage.

Saturday, Greg and I picked up Anglee at the airport and went to Manhattan Beach for lunch and finally getting in the Pacific Ocean. This part of LA, I don't mind so much. We then proceeded to Toys R Us to get Alison's wedding presents. That's right - we went off registery and got Alison and Dan a huge stack of board games. Because, we love board games! And let's face it, we're her wacky high school friends, so we couldn't get her traditional gifts - come on! We made it to our hotel after that, and went to dinner with Alison and her family at The Cheesecake Factory. How is that still in business? There's always, always a giant wait, so you're frustrated by the time you sit down, something always goes wrong with the service, and the food is never as great as you expect after all your trouble.

Sunday was wedding day! We heard a rumor from Alison's mom that the hotel was going to shut down all the power and water between 11pm and 5am. Ummm, what? How are you doing business? We called the front desk to see if it was true, and they said, "Oh, didn't you get the notice?" No, we didn't, you fuckers. Now, we're checking out because I don't want to spend my night worrying about if I have to use the bathroom, am I going to waste the one flush our room gets tonight? Or, you know, using the lamps past 11pm. "No, it's okay because it's after eleven." Not all of us go to bed at 5pm. Needless to say, we checked out and packed our stuff and got a hotel near LAX for Sunday night.

The wedding itself was fantastic - everyone looked great, and the rabbi seemed to know a lot about Ali and Dan, and interspersed some stories about them, and he smashed the glass on the first try. I'd never been to a Jewish wedding before, so it was interesting to see the differences between most weddings I've been to and this one. Also, the reception - so much fun. The circle dancing - I don't know what it's called, but it's awesome. Everyone from the 11-year-old-cousin who is too young to have fun but too old to run around and be crazy to the 90-something year old grandpas were in the circle, and I somehow made it into the family circle at one point. Ali and Dan sucessfully joined hands in the chair-lifting part of the dance, and Dan nearly fell out, which would have made for an awesome wipe-out. I know I'm Catholic, but can I have a Jewish reception? Please?Finally, one last pictures of the tower of gifts. Because we're proud of the construction and the presentation of it.

Sunday night was finding a hotel, and then driving around the LAX area for like AN HOUR trying to find a restaurant that didn't have a drive-through. Turns out, it doesn't exist! LA does not follow the rule of strip malls, that every time there is a Lowe's, Starbucks, Sprint, there needs to be a Chili's, Applebee's or Bennigan's. Goat, you need to move. Or talk to the Chili's people. Please.

Lizett will be out of the office

Lizett will be out of the office from Thursday through Monday. She will not be responding to e-mails or IMs, but expects many drunk dials from the pub crawl.

Sunday is Alison's wedding. What? SUNDAY? Oh my. I've never been to a Jewish wedding, so it should be a fun new experience. And I've never been to Los Angeles, so I'm looking forward to gawking at celebrities (because I'm sure they're on every corner, just waiting to take pictures with me, right? Right??)

So I realized yesterday that my bundt cake plan will have to wait until I get home to Houston because I lack a bundt cake pan. I can't even celebrate the opposite of Martin Luther King Day, because while I have the Diet Coke (and was fully prepared to make the bundt cake), there is no pan and therefore no proper receptacle.

Hopefully lots of ridiculous pictures from this weekend, first with my adventures with Goat and the men of Sheldon Chateau and then wedding craziness.

My name is Gertrude

This weekend was the epitome of old lady-ness. I was in bed before midnight every night this weekend - better than I usually do during the week! What the hell?

Friday I at least had some social interaction by going to Happy Hour at Trudy's with Kat, Sheila, and Della. Tim stopped by for a bit, too, so that was fairly cool. It was a good time, and Trudy's margaritas are pretty glorious. Seeing as I drove, I stayed away from the Mexican Martini, but the Mexican Martini is probably the best drink ever invented. They only allow you to order two and then you're done drinking for the night - they're that strong. Granted, you get the entire shaker, but that justifies the price. After that, I went to Sheila's house to play with her puppy! Double awesomeness.

Dinorah and I realized that we have watched six rented movies and one on TV in the last two weekends. Flightplan, Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants, The Upside of Anger, Alfie, I Heart Huckabees, and In Her Shoes. Plus, Say Anything was on TV. Glooorious. At this rate, we would put Netflix out of business. Hopefully this never happens again, though, because it is sort of sad, and I'm a little embarassed to admit it.

In other news, I made it on the staff of the Texas Review of Entertainment and Sports Law - huzzah! What does that mean? I'm not sure yet, but it seems like they'll be shoving some shit work my way, editing and de-italicizing periods, that sort of thing.

Apologies to those of you waiting on my Diet Coke cake... I spent most of this weekend (the part where I wasn't watching movies) researching about river otters and home owner's associations for an oral report I have to give a couple of hours. Hopefully I can do it this week, and the world will finally know what happens when you use Diet Coke instead of regular.

Hearsay exception

Just a fun little video if you happen to be taking Evidence... or you know, enjoy videos made with Leggo men.

You're all waaaay down here now

Thanks to Eddie and Megan's diligence, I am now hooked on the Buffalo Wings and Vodka blog, written by a 3L here at Texas. I know his name is Mike. And apparently he's the editor of Law Review. And now it is my mission to meet this guy. Sure, there are more admirable goals, like meeting an actual celebrity or graduating law school, but in the right now, I'm totally going to make this guy my friend.

Unfortunately for all you chumps out there who blog, Mike's blog has suddenly jumped to #1 on my super secret arbitrary ranking of blogs. Goat comes in a close second for mentioning me coming to visit as a Not Sucky thing about the next few weeks. Also, props to Eliz for finally making the Coke Bundt Cake. The rest of you better start getting real witty real fast or start sending me bribes.

Books and shit

Well, that last one backfired. And I look like a 12-year-old girl. In order to counteract that, I am going to talk about the books I've read so far this year. Make me look all smart and shit. I'm going to try and read more for fun, despite the mountains of reading I'm supposed to be doing for law school. I'm not going to lie, sometimes my fun reading gets precedent over my school reading. While I was in Houston over break, the bookstore in the mall was closing so every book was 50% off - I cashed in baby! So, here we go, my reviews for the books I've read so far. (Warning: the list is short. It's only been a month!)

• Dreams From My Father, by Barack Obama. A pretty good memoir about his childhood. I sort of expected more of his later years, heading towards the Senate, but his childhood story and discovering his past is pretty cool. He's a great writer (I mean, he was President of Harvard Law Review, so I guess that makes him a pretty good writer). For a story about race, it concentrates almost exclusively on African Americans in the south side of Chicago. Overall, though, I highly recommend it, and he may be winning me over politically (shhhh!)
• About a Boy, by Nick Hornby. His follow-up to High Fidelity. High Fidelity is one of my all-time favorite books, and About a Boy does a pretty good job as a follow up, but is pretty different in terms of the story. It is funny, though, and, as is usually the case, the book is better than the movie.
• Feel, by Chris Heath. What started out as an interview with Robbie Williams turned into a book. I am personally enjoying this because I'm a Robbie Williams fan and recognize a lot of the references, but I think it's overall a really transparent tell-all about the music industry and the effects of the paparazzi. Highly recommended.

Well, that's it for now. I told you, it's only been a month. And I bet you don't want to read any reviews of my casebooks. So see? I am smart!

Guilty pleasures

We all have those things that we adore, but don't really admit to anyone because, well, they're a little embarassing, and you know that as an educated person with a fine taste for entertainment, you really shouldn't. So, in an effort to be a little more open and get the dialogue moving, I am going to share a few of mine and ask (no - demand) that you share one with everyone else. Now, it doesn't have to be your secret addiction to transexual hookers, just something like, you really like to wear footie pajamas. Or something like that. My list includes:

• Dancing with the Stars - So hokey, and really not that much to it. Some washed-up celebrities learn how to ballroom dance! Who cares? Well, I do. I really do. I want Jerry Rice to win it all, because, he used to play football! And I enjoy Lisa Rinna flipping out like a little kid every time she doesn't get eliminated. Also, how is Master P still in the running?
  
• The new Beyonce single - I think she says some sort of variation of "Check up on it" about ten thousand times. It's so formulaic and repetitive. I love it!
• Mary Kate and Ashley lip gloss - Damn you, Emily, for turning me to the MK and A line of cosmetics. But you've gotta admit, they're cheap and pretty really okay looking.
• Reruns of Home Improvement - That show is so dated, I really should not be laughing at those jokes anymore. But, I still do. Tim Allen grunting like a gorilla is still pure comic genius, if you ask me.
• There and Back - Another TV show that, all things being equal, I should loathe. But Ashley something from O-Town actually doesn't seem like too much of a tool and the pregnancy drama is pretty interesting. Also, it's hilarious to see a former teen star live in a home that looks like it could easily be in my neighborhood.
• Oyez.org - Supreme Court news, famous cases, and podcasts of oral arguments. Wow, I am a nerd.
  

Now, just remember that despite all this, I do like some very sophisticated things. Yes... veeery sophisticated.

Issuespotting

Choose law. Choose a job. Choose a career. Choose a respectable law school. Choose an effing big laptop. Choose roller bags, highlighters, post-it notes, sticky flags and commercial outlines. Choose eight a.m. classes, stale bagels, and a frappuccino addiction. Choose student loan debt bigger than the GDP of Belgium. Choose the Subway diet. Choose puking on the hiring partner at a business-casual reception. Choose the billable hour and wonder why you're at work on a Sunday morning. Choose sitting in an office writing mind-numbing, spirit-crushing memos, stuffing leftover Chinese take-out in your mouth. Choose rotting away at the end of it all, drooling on yourself at the firm Christmas party, married to your eighty-year-old secretary, and realize that you're nothing more than an embarassment to the selfish, stuck-up, overpaid associates you have recruited to replace yourself.

Choose your future.

Choose Law.

*The following has been the tagline for last year's Assault and Flattery show, Issuespotting.
**Assasult and Flattery is the satirical law school musical/skit show put on every year at Texas. I'm the lighting designer this year! And this year's show is called The Big Dzienkowski.

When the hell did I get so pale

Who can say when the cycle of pasty whiteness began, but I suspect a lot of it had to do with when I moved to Indiana, where the sun disappears for at least half the year. But I am back in Texas, where the sun shines mostly all year, and I continue to get whiter and whiter. I think I'm spending too much time indoors, with books and things.

Anyway, tonight was my best friend Laurie's Congrats Happy Away party. Congrats on graduating college, Happy (early) Birthday, and Happy Going Away! Laurie is leaving for basic training on Thursday so we are celebrating all three things at once. And, who doesn't love an excuse for cookie cake?? Brian made fajitas, and it was a good, chill evening with lots of friends and loved ones celebrating the awesomeness that is Laurie. She and I have been friends since sixth grade - the only year we spent together in school! Basically, we crack each other up so much we couldn't stay away.

So... that's my weekend! I'm heading back to Austin tomorrow... yup, should be a fun drive through the rain.

Death by Constitution

Remember how they used to tell you when you were little that jumping into the pool all at once is better than trying to tiptoe in? I think that's what the law school professors were thinking when they decided how to schedule our classes. I'm used to having three, maybe four classes in one day (on a particularly rough day). Now, four is the standard, and I do have a day with five classes. Five law school classes. Each with its own assignment and homework to do. Not only that, but the reading assignments seem to have grown exponentially since last semester. Weee! No use in easing us in, just throw us in the pool!

To top off all that, my body decided to reject the idea of going back to school by getting sick just in time for the first day of class. So yes, I am that girl in class who is constantly blowing her nose and generally being disgusting and sick. My eyes hurt.

MILK day

Does anyone remember that time we went over to Eliz and Scolson's house like, right after they moved in, and they were showing off that bar and kegerator and somehow the subject of a milk keg came up, and then, the joke of Martin Luther King in a keg was born? Yeah, probably not. But it was funny! And I remembered it today, on MLK Day. So, milk kegs 4 lyfe.

Last night I went to the Texas national championship celebration. Seeing as I didn't go to any games this year, it was pretty interesting. I learned all sorts of new cheers, much dirtier cheers than I ever did at Notre Dame. So Dana and I went, and we showed up about an hour before the actual program began. Pretty much right when we got there, they started showing clips of the last national championship they won... against Notre Dame in the Cotton Bowl. Gross. Oh, grad students - no loyalty to the schools they currently attend! Either way, it was pretty cool to see the band (even though I objected to the proclamation that the Longhorn Band is "the best band in the country") and they lit up the tower, which is pretty cool looking. You gotta admit, the tower being lit up trumps the #1 on top of Grace. Although, if ND wins another national championship (correction: WHEN ND wins another national championship), I'm sure they'll do something over-the-top and awesome.

Tomorrow we start classes again... boo. But for those of you who were wondering what happened to me over the Christmas break, I will assure you that I will be posting more, as I now have something to procrastinate for.

The PHANTOM

Behold! The car gods have finally smiled upon Lizett and given her a new automobile. She is no longer stranded in Austin, relying on public transportation or a generous friend. She also refuses to DD unless absolutely necessary. Joe Myers Toyota says that this '06 Corolla is "Phantom Grey", so, behold, The Phantom. Also, I'd like to point out that I'm wearing short sleeves. Booya, warm weather!

Hasta luego, chupadores

Yeah, I totally made up the word for suckers in Spanish. You can't stop me!

Happy Festivus! I'm officially done with finals! Over my three week break, I plan to do no more reading than is necessary (probably exclusively cereal boxes) and catch lots of movies and TV. Oh, baby. Today alone I must have put in about 8 hours of TV. VH1's Behind America's Next Top Model? Why not? I have nothing better to do! Two hours of What Not To Wear? Yes, please. I even busted out the Nintendo and played a little Paper Boy this afternoon. In other words, best afternoon of my life.

Tomorrow (yes, on Christmas Eve) I fly out to Mexico to spend Christmas and New Years with my family. That means you won't be able to get in touch with me for like a whole week - I know, it'll be hard for you. That's what this blog is for. And if you ever get lonely, just watch the 'Lazy Sunday' video - it always picks me up.

Merry Christmas, y'all!

Chronic-WHAT-cles of Narnia

Yeah, I know you've seen it. Shut up. It's funny!

Volverte a ver

I don't know if some of you out there know this, but I'm Hispanic. That's right, 100% My-Parents-Are-From-Mexico Hispanic. My many visits to Mexico each year keep my Spanish language skills up and also keep me up to date with all the hottest Columbian Mexican stars, including Juanes, one of my favorites. Here is is, below, knowing he looks like a badass because he just won a shitload of Grammys.Anyway, so Juanes is coming to Austin! In February! On a Friday night! Meaning that my awesome cousins could potentially drive up to see this concert. Except - oh, wait. Alison Peck is "supposedly" "getting married" that weekend in LA. What the hell, Alison? You planned it this way on purpose, didn't you? All I'm saying is if I don't get a wedding invitation in the mail soon, I'm buying tickets to the concert.

Glorious

My friend Jaime sent out an e-vite to a post-finals drinking bash and included the following hilarioius graphic in it. It took me a while to realize, but those are all our first-year professors. Brilliant!

A little breather to regain my sanity

So my last post (which I believe was about a week ago) didn't make much... sense. In any sense of the word. I blame finals. That was definitely me at my worst. Sleep deprived and just anxious to get things over with. But now, the clouds have parted and birds are singing. Why am I so happy? Am I done with finals? No, of course not! But the two awful ones are over with, so I may as well be done.

You can't get too upset studying for crimnal law. Law and Order and all its successful spin-offs are based on this branch of the law entirely. You don't see any lawyer shows about contracts, and God help anyone who even attempts to pitch a show about civil procedure, because they will be bludgeoned and tortured by any law student or lawyer in a fifty-mile radius. Hell, anyone in a fify-mile radius who even listens to them explain the basic concepts would probably go on a killing spree.

Yesterday was our civil procedure final, which was... yeah. Pretty insane. Worst test of my life? Definitely. But the main point is, it's over! Last night, to celebrate, I hosted a wee Christmas party for the law school folks. It was pretty chill, and I think exactly what a lot of us needed to relax after our anyeurisms of the whole week. After, a few of us went to this... warehouse party? It was bizzare, that's for sure. It was in East Austin, which is... not the most respectable part of town. So we pull up and there are lots of "alternative" or shall we say "cool" people coming in and out of this house. There's a stray dog somewhere in the entrance, and what appears to be a hobo-style garbage can fire in the back. *Note: I tried to search for "garbage can fire" on Google Images, and could not find an acceptable one. So we hung out on the porch for a while and returned to the relative safety and normalcy of our friend Joe's apartment. On the way out, the stray dog was wearing a t-shirt.

There's no way to catch a cold from standing around outside in the cold, right? I geniously decided not to bring a jacket because I thought we would be inside and then insisted I would be okay since I went to Notre Dame, bitches, and I can handle the cold! Maybe it was a bad idea...

Weeeee

Hey everyone, it's one in the morning on a Saturday! Well, Sunday I guess. Guess what I did all weekend? STUDY. Hoo boy, it doesn't get much more exciting than the life of a law student. John Grisham, you dirty liar. Law school isn't as glamorous as The Pelican Brief. You LIED. [Insert joke about reliance here; watch my soul go out the window]

Everything you've heard about finals... is true. I'm hoping for a freak-out on Monday's test from someone in my section, Freshman-Chemistry-in-Stepan style. To quote Jason Lawhorn, after our test on Monday, "I'm going to drink until I pass out." Hell yes, you are.

Hmm, this isn't turning out to be as hilariously sleep-deprivingly witty as I had hoped. Reggie Bush won the Heisman - I hate you, USC. With the fury of a thousand suns. Our only salvation is Jeff Samardzija. Help me Jeff Samardzija, you're my only hope. Shark, is your hair prettier than mine? Or perhaps just longer... Either way this picture is proof that Jeff Samardzija should have won the Heisman. Hello, is that not a perfect Heisman pose??

I'm going to go sleep under an overpass tonight. It'll help me appreciate that finals aren't that bad. Kat says to throw trash at me, so I get the full effect. So look for me under I-35! I hear you can learn some valuable lessons that way. "And that's why you always leave a note".

Also, a certain contracts professor has man boobs. I won't say which one, but I hear he has a close, personal relationship with Farnsworth. He also enjoys wearing thin Calvin Klein shirts on the weekends when he holds review sessions. I'll let you figure it out for yourselves.

One more tip - if you're just about to go to bed, don't watch old Baritone slide shows. It'll fill your heart with the wonderful memories of when you drank all the time with no consequences. ERRRM, I LOVE YOU, BILLY. Good God, let's just let the shit show begin.

School's out

The entire University of Texas shut down at 2pm because an ice storm is coming through. Look out, the temperature is dropping below 32 degrees, and it's sprinkling! Everybody shut down the city!

Haha, ohhh what a change from Notre Dame days, where I never had class cancelled due to weather. They made an announcement in the library that because the whole University is closed, the Law Library is also closed... pure mayhem. What?? The Library is closed? WHERE AM I GOING TO STUDY. I can't study at home!!! Finals are in less than a week! OH, GOD.

So our Contracts class was cancelled, which is awesome because he's going to reschedule it for Friday so we can learn something new just in time for our final on Monday. Super Awesome McSweetSweet. I'll kill you, weather. And Sokolow.

The Final Countdown

T-minus one week until finals begin.

Randomness

I like to give people I don't know but encounter on a regular basis nicknames that reflect what they are usually doing when I see/hear them. For example, my upstairs neighbor is Stompy because I can always hear when she comes home from the building-shaking steps she takes. The kids next door... well, they're just the Damn Neighbor Kids. They like to play outside at ungodly hours of the morning, usually with a basketball which I can only assume they bounce directly on my bedroom wall by the volume and intensity of the bounces.

Item #2 - The Lemon Law
First introduced on the TV show How I Met Your Mother, the Lemon Law allows you five minutes at the beginning of a date to call it off if you can see that things are not going well. Named after the law that allows you to return and get your money back for a "lemon" car, this allows you to ensure that you don't waste precious nights out with your friends with some loser. Pictured at left: The Lemon Law card, which you give to your prospective date right before walking away. Note: This seems like a good idea in theory, but I can't say I've put it into practice seeing as law school has taken over my social life. Try it out, tell me how it works for you!

Item #3 - Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey split up - oh man, this has only been the headline of so many magazines for, what, six months? Frankly, I'm glad. Now I won't have to see their ugly mugs on the cover of every magazine every week. People I know are actually genuinely upset that they are splitting up - come on. It's not like they're your friends who you thought were meant to be and this is shaking the very foundation of marriage and everything you believe in - grow up.

And last but not least, thanks to Samantha for pointing out that our criminal law professor, Michael Sharlot, is really Barty Crouch, of Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire fame. Just see for yourself. (Barty Crouch is on the left).

Just call me Lizett Wells

So this post was supposed to be all about how I went on this Wells family trip to the movies, and how I feel like part of their family. Such a nice, wholesome Friday night - Dad and Marissa went to go see Chicken Little, while Andrew, Phil, Mom, and I went to see Harry Potter. So I thought to myself, you know what would be funny? If I got one of Phil's pictures of his family off of facebook and Photoshopped my way in them. And then, as I looked up the pictures, I realized... wow, that is really creepy. So, while I did feel like another Wells sibling that night, and I do love their family, Photoshopping my way into their family is just a step further than I am willing to go.

Asshole Bingo = very yes

Some of you may have seen this article already from Megan's blog. It describes, fairly accurately I might say, the law school experience (especially first year) and introduced me to the fabulous game that is Asshole Bingo (or as we might put it, Gunner* Bingo). Asshole Bingo is made up of a 'bingo card' with all your classes across the top and five assholes from you section (or 'gunners') along the side, in whichever order you choose.

So let's say for example, you have Gunner #2 on the left side and "Crim Law" on the top somewhere, and surprise, surprise, Gunner #2 has a question in Crim Law. Then you would mark an X in that box. First to bingo wins! This seems like yet another hilarious way to pass the one hour of class. Well done, Miss Doxie.

I think my favorite section, though, is the part where she pinpoints when your soul dies. And yes, for those of you who are interested, my soul is dead:

Because, see, law school makes you insane. There are no exceptions. Soon you will be nuts.

And it comes on slowly at first; you'll be at a party with other first years... Someone will fall over during a keg stand, or fall down a flight of stairs, or SOME accident will occur, and instead of calling the party foul, as would be appropriate in such an instance, one of your classmates will instead turn to the group and say, "That is a tort."

And you will AGREE. And you will LAUGH. Because it is TRUE.

Now. You have just passed an important milestone! At this point, your soul is dead. Sorry.

*Gunner = someone who shoots their arm into the air each time the professor asks a question or when a student who is called on hesitates for a fraction of a second.

Probably the best haiku ever

Yeah, my haiku tribute to Fro was pretty good. But this haiku, by our very own Peanut, is probably the best ever.

Go bleed on the field.
Not the men-stru-a-tion kind.
OOSE MOTHERFUCKERS!!

Oose, indeed.

Recreation

In the old days, blogging twice a week was a feat. I like to post more frequently because it amuses me, and I think inspires others to blog more frequently, which means more things for me to read while in class.

Unfortunately, except for the moment of genius where I thought up the Scientologist Pirate, there hasn't been much time or inspiration. The law library isn't exactly a mecca for creativity. In fact, it crushes my will to live and makes me want to die sometimes.

Today I studied for civil procedure. That class makes me want to gouge my eyes out. Out of hte five or six practice problems our group did, I answered maybe one right. And the thing that kills me is that the exam is multiple choice. You'd think that makes it easier, right? Wrong! Sucker! According to people who have had this class before, a good 8 out of 40 will get you a solid B. I'm going to drink heavily the night before the exam and that'll probably increase my test-taking skills.

So taking a night off to watch TV and eat ice cream is the best I got now.

Lizett's hero of the week

So back in undergrad, the tones had their Baritone Hero of the Week, which was more like the Baritone Hero of Whenever We Feel Like Updating Our Website. I have been yearning to search for a place to show my respects to some special people, so I'd like to post my own Hero of the Week.

This week's hero is the Scientologist Pirate. His teeth are always clenched tight, he jumps on couches, and refuses antidepressants to get him out of his perpetual state of insanity. I hear they can also crush beer cans on their heads. Just imagine it... crooked-teethed, hook-handed, anti-depressant-hating, eye-patched lunatics jumping on sofas. I'm pretty sure they could kick a Rastafarian pirate's ass. AND they have crystals.

So here's to you, Scientologist Pirate. You are friends with Tom Cruise... and that's a score against you, but we love you anyway.

I still love you, Bluth Family

DEPRESSING DEVELOPMENT: Fox all but confirmed late Thursday that Arrested Development has been canceled. Not only is the show being pulled off the air until Dec. 5, but Arrested's third-season order has been slashed from 22 episodes to just 13. (Arrested's Monday-night companion Kitchen Confidential is also cooked.) And how's this for stomach-churning irony: The Bluths got the hook the same day that ABC extended a full-season order to Freddie.

The UPS guys are still in shorts

The apocalypse is coming, my friends. How do I know this? Today is November 9, and the high was 89 degrees, with no sign of it getting any cooler. Sure, it's been a little cooler before when random rebel cold fronts have come through, but generally it has been amazing weather here. I honestly don't remember if it was always this nice in November or if I'm just making a big deal out of it because I've been in the frozen tundra for the past four winters, but it is glorious. I almost went swimming yesterday because it was so hot out. I didn't, but I could've if I wanted to!

And to relate this all to the heading, I saw a UPS guy today still wearing his trusty brown shorts. I gotta say, I love Texas in November

So, come here often?

That's right my friends, I actually heard that comment come from a male's mouth this Saturday night in a pick-up attempt. The only thing more ridiculous, as we all know, is "What's your sign?" I know men do some crazy things to attempt to get in a girl's pants, but this is ridiculous.

I'm a little dissapointed at the lack of comments on my previous post. I couldn't have handed you better material than "A ten day salute to sausage". It was actually a really great time. I went to Wurstfest with Sheila and her mother. This is way bigger than I originally imagined. Tons of booths full of all different kinds of sausage, including something called the ultimate sausage on a stick - five different kinds of sausage and a bun on a kabob stick. I decided to stick to the cheddarwurst and some PaulAner, which hit me pretty hard (maybe it's because it was 11 am?). Tim showed up around 1 or 1:30, after the ferris wheel riding but just in time to see the polka band, yodelers and clogging. We made it back to Austin around 5:30, just in time for me to get showered up and head off to see Movin' Out. Turns out they screwed up my tickets, so they ended up just giving me tickets in the seventh row back and right smack in the middle. You could see the sweat dripping off the dancers (which can be great, or just kind of creepy).

So anyway after the show Della and I went down to Fado on 4th street. Fado is a really sweet Irish pub with a rooftop patio that I guess is supposed to look like an Irish alley? We were up there listening to this Irish-punk type band - reminded me a lot of Flogging Molly, but they played a lot of Johnny Cash. It is here where I heard the aforementioned pick-up line. That's when Della and I knew we had to get out of there.

The rest of the weekend was pretty uneventful, but Saturday's adventures were enough for me.

Wurst-fest

Last night I went to Alamo Draft House to go see North Country. This whole event was actually my idea, and it was cleverly executed by my friend Sheila, who actually has connections, such as "knowing" who the people in charge are and being able to "get in contact" with them. The Women's Law Caucus paid for our movie tickets + food + drinks. So I got a free ticket + free personal pizza + splitting a bucket of Rolling Rock. Delicious. The movie itself was really good, but of course slightly disturbing because it's about women getting sexually harrassed in some sort of mine in Minnesota, so there are the requisite "Look how bad guys are to women" scenes. Then I came home and read a chapter of sexual assault cases for crim law. Pretty much the most depressing night ever.

This weekend, however, is looking up. Tomorrow is some thing called Wurst-Fest. Basically, Sheila's husband Tim is in a bike race from Austin to New Braunfels and we're going to pick him up and attend some sort of festival that involves brats and German beer, and perhaps some clogging. We're a little unclear on the details. In case you haven't noticed, I don't go anywhere unless it involves beer or food, and preferably both.

Lee Corso is a penis

Yeah, I'm sure all of you have already seen it because everyone who reads my blog probably also reads Mal's, but here it is:
You're right, my friend. Lee Corso is a penis.

Anyway, this week has been fairly uneventful. People are starting to get all riled up about getting ready for finals - and they're a little more than six weeks away. Calm down, people. Your constant jabbering and nervous twitching is making me uneasy. I don't want to freak out about finals. I really don't. So please stop freaking out. Tomorrow the Women's Law Caucus is paying for our tickets to go see North Country. All I can say is, thumbs up for free movie tickets. And since it's at Alamo Draft House, it also means thumbs up for free food. And free beer. Oose?

If anyone cares to fill in the details, please let me know

Today I laughed out loud in Contracts, and not because I was IM'ing people, but because I looked around the room at one point and every single person had this look of utter confusion on their faces. I also nearly ate it about five times walking aound slick tile while wearing flip-flops. I mean, who puts slick tile outdoors?!


Anyway, some of you may have heard rumors or passing bits of this weekend, so here's the rundown.

Friday was Ex Parte, the annual law school Halloween party. Our section had a big "law enforcement" theme, so each of us tried to get a different aspect of the law enforcers. In case you can't tell from the picture, I went as a CSI. One guy from our section dressed up as an Orkin man. Not original, right? Wrong. He had a sprayer full of tequila and Sprite. Not the best combination, but quite hilarious to drink out of and tequila usually is always a good shot choice. Anyway, so we get to Ex Parte and there are a good amount of people there. There were some pretty creative costumes, but we definitely should have won best group - I think there were flaws in the nomination system. After a help-yourself beer bar and several shots of Orkin/tequila, I somehow made it home. I definitely was still drunk when I woke up the next day to get to my flight. I think I was just hungover by the time my dad and brother picked me up.

As a result of Ex Parte, I have some crazy injuries. Huge bruises on each of my thighs, some sort of giant cut on the back of my leg, and a bruise on my back. Also, my cash is totally gone (I'm assuming to pay the cab). The last half-hour or so and most of the way back to my place is a little fuzzy, so if anyone cares to fill me in, I'd appreciate it.

I did some sleeping and some studying at home, and then I went to dinner and - surprise! My cousins, aunt, and grandma were in town from Mexico. Now, I love this part of my family so I was really excited to see them. As usual we stayed up ridiculously late talking. The next day was the performance of Wicked - I've been looking forward to this for so long. It was definitely worth it. The acting was good but not great, and the special effects were amazing. The story is hilarious and I just had a great time.

I'm sure it would have been lots of fun to skip out on all that at the last minute so Mal could come in, but I would have been useless on Saturday. I still had a headache when I went to bed Saturday night.

Finally, tonight is Halloween - we bought a little bag of mini Snickers just in case some trick-or-treaters come, but really, we know there aren't any coming and will be eating them all within a few days.

Okay, I'll shut up about baseball now

Wow, I had no idea everyone else despised baseball so much. But the good news for all of you is that I will be shutting up about baseball now, at least until next season.

I had my audition yesterday for Assault and Flattery, the law school musical/skit show they put on every spring. Despite the lack of voice still from the USC game (yeah, it still isn't all there) it went pretty well. We'll hear about callbacks soon, but I figure either way they'll want to use me for my tech skills, which, surprisingly*, there is a major lack of in law school.

Tonight is the law school Halloween party, Ex Parte. This year's theme is Leave Your Briefs at Home. I initially wanted to go as a pirate to introduce that whole line of joking with my law school friends, but a bunch of people from my mentor group are doing a 'law enforcement' theme, so I decided to go with a CSI. I got a t-shirt and ironed on CSI on the front and the back and got a cop kit and a fake rubber heart and rubber gloves. Hopefully we'll get a best group prize or something. Anyway, should be good. Unlimited beer, wine, and margaritas. Mmmmmm.

World Series

Okay, here's my list of what is wrong with the World Series -

1) The announcers - Fox announcers are probably the worst in history and should probably die. Half the time they're trying to promote some 2-hour Prison Break event and the other half of the time they're commenting on some baby that fell asleep in the stands. Ha! Look at that baby! He's asleep! Oh no, it's ten minutes later and the baby's awake! Wow! Oh, and while we were talking about the baby, the team that was behind made the greatest play in the universe and won the game.

2) The Sox fans - Now, this is not necessarily aimed at those "true" White Sox fans out there. And trust me, I know who you are - you've made it quite clear in the past. I'm talking about the 95% of people at Comiskey during games 1 and 2 who are actually Cubs fans but are pretending to be Sox fans since they're in the World Series. Also, during game 2, some beligerent fan slapped Craig Biggio's wife and took off. Biggio's brother took him down and pinned him against the wall. Take that, guy who has no self-control!

3) The sports writers - Everbody was saying how the White Sox were going to beat the Astros with one hand tied behind their back and blindfolded. And granted, the Sox did win four straight games, but it's not like they won them easily. Each game was won by two points or less and one went into 14 innings. Doesn't sound too easy to me.

Anyway, that's my rant. For those of you who don't like baseball, I don't care. Baseball is a great game to have on in the background and I love it.

Game 3

So tonight I thought I was going to get to bed early. I just needed to watch the Astros game. The 9th inning came and went around 10:30. It's now 1:07 am and I'm still watching. I have many complaints about this World Series which I will go into more detail later when I'm not delerious from sleep deprivation.

God, I hate the Sox.

It's my birthday, I'm getting drunk

Thanks for all the birthday wishes on Sunday! The good thing about facebook is that it reminds everyone that it's your birthday so you get tons of birthday wishes without being all showy about it. It's only Tuesday and I'm already relieved because I feel the week is almost over. Really, four hours of class (including civ pro) is too much for one day.

So this weekend was pretty good. I went home Friday night, watched some Law and Order: CI with my mom. I say: major thumbs up for getting rid of Vincent D'Onofrio and that stupid girl. He really got on my nerves and she was always made to look like an idiot. Now they have Chris Noth back on L&O, which is cool and the girl is not a total pushover. Makes the show about ten times better.

Saturday I went shopping with my Mom (huge surprise there) and got some great shoes for cheap, and Sarah and Sonal came over to watch the Astros game. It was a lot of fun, we got a mountain of wings (mmmm, wings!) and just caught up. Sunday was my birthday, and I went to lunch with my parents and got some pretty good presents. The lineup:

• The new Sarah Jessica Parker perfume. I'm afraid to use it.
• Pearl earrings and necklace combo (such a parent present)
• Arrested Development Season 2 (booya!)
• Batman Begins (Double booya!)
• Kanye West's new album

I don't know about you guys, but 22 was so anticlimactic compared to 21. Granted, 21 was on a Saturday night at Notre Dame, not a Sunday in Houston. But then I went to see a Second City show at the PAC, went out Finnigan's/The Library (depending what year you graduated) and... whatever bar we went to after that since Jenna almost came to blows with some guy for saying she didn't go to Notre Dame or some other thing I can't remember... and the next night we went to Bruno's for dinner and Fiddler's Hearth for drinks. So really, you can't top that. Oh, and I got a call from Mr. Belding - yeah, any birthday after that one is just downhill.

So what's with all the crazy amount of posting in our little circle of blogs last week? I loved it. It's the epitome of what our blogs should be. And it gives me things to read in class while attempting to not laugh out loud.

Finally!

The Astros are in the World Series for the first time ever! My head is going to explode!

Sweet jism (and by that, I mean, CJ's pub burger-delicious belly-rubbing jism).

If we win the World Series, then Notre Dame is definitely going to win the national championship. I've been waiting for the Astros championship since I was about 5 years old, back when they played in the Astrodome and the mascot was the Astro, who had a very strong resemblance to the Capital City Goofball. The Notre Dame national championship, while fresher in my mind, is closer to my heart. But the team I've been backing all my life has to win at some point. God, I love baseball season.

And now, a haiku to Peter Hagerman:

Peter Hagerman
Your name is Fro, but you're bald
Super sweet beer time.

Fall TV preview

I enjoy TV way too much. Probably more than is healthy for any individual. And this year, with my no-band schedule and my own TV with basic cable I have... well, not copious amounts of time, but certainly the opportunity to keep up with all my favorite shows and even aquire some new faves. Here are my picks for a great fall season:

1. How I Met Your Mother (Mondays, CBS) - Started out kind of weak, but after a few episodes, I've really gotten into this show. I feel like it pretty much articulates what a lot of my friends and I are going through - this weird mid-twenties phase where you're not quite a grown-up but out of your parents' shadow. The characters are relatable, and my favorite is Barney, played by Neil Patrick Harris of Doogie Howser fame (or Harold and Kumar fame). One of my favorite lines is after he says something and then when the others look at him confused, he says "You really don't read my blog, do you?" Also, when they're in a club, Ted the main character starts screaming crazy stuff to see if his date can hear him, and during a lull in the songs screams out, "I'm peeing my pants!" If that doesn't describe what my friends and I say every single day (see, Goat's blog), then I don't know what does.
   
2. Nip/Tuck (Tuesdays, F/X) - Holy crap. One of the raciest and most addicting shows I have ever seen. The story lines are so intricate and crazy plot twists abound. For example, this Tuesday the cops thought that Christian was the Carver and arrested him, only to have the Carver strike while he was in jail. Every show ending is a complete poop-in-the-pants twist. I love it.
3. My Name is Earl (Tuesdays, NBC) - Jason Lee, of Kevin Smith movie fame, finally has his own show where he plays... a redneck? A little contrary to every cool character he's ever played, but still quite funny. Not much to it, but it's a definite laugh and it makes you feel all warm and fuzzy inside, like that time I ate insulation.
4. Arrested Development (Mondays, Fox) - Currently on hiatus until baseball season ends, Arrested Development is one of the most perfectly written shows ever. With Season 2 just recently released and Season 3 gearing up, it's sure to be a great season. If Fox doesn't keep threatening to cancel it.
5. Law and Order: SVU (Tuesdays, NBC) - Oh no, Elliot's rage problem is out of control. And Olivia feels even more for the victims of rape. Tune in to see Elliot flip out and Olivia cry even more.

Welp, that's it for now. If you watch any less than 8 hours of TV a day, this is a good start. I, however, pretty much have my TV on constantly. I really do have friends, I swear....

An open letter to Brad Lidge, closer for the Houston Astros

Dear Brad Lidge,

You did a fairly good job last night in your game against the Astros. You are widely considered one of the best closers in the National League. Your stats are impeccable. You were one out away from sending the Astros to the World Series for the first time ever. But suddently, there was a slight shift in the atmosphere of the game. Edmonds came up to bat, and instead of sending him home crying, you walked him. WALKED HIM. With who else but Albert Pujols up next. The Astros are up 4-2 at this point - the game which was supposedly in the bag is now eerily tense. And what happens? Pujols hits a home run to left field. Putting the Cardinals up 5-4. That's it. The game's over. What happened, Brad? You, of all people, could have put an amazing ending to a great game begun by Andy Pettite. But now you have to go back to St. Louis (the Astros have their own problems winning on the road) and try to win against their crowd. Why? Was one devestating loss by your alma mater on Saturday agasint a much-hated team not enough? Is winning big in a series just too easy for you? Why would you put your fans through the same thing you clearly felt on Saturday when Notre Dame lost at the last minute against the Trojans? For Houston's sake, for Notre Dame's sake, for the Notre Dame Houstonian's sakes, please win big on Wednesday. Two crushing losses are enough for one fan.

The picture says it all

And then I found out she was a guy

Best ending to an awkward story ever. None of this "I found $20" crap. Let me just begin by saying I'm a little dissapointed in the fact that of all those people's blogs that I compulsively check, very few have updated yet. Come on, some of us out here need entertainment.

I got back to my apartment around 11:30pm last night. I very nearly forgot to turn in a paper that I was supposed to write, but somehow remembered right before walking out my door at 7:30 that it was due at 8:00am. Holy crap. I nearly had an anyeurism. Speaking of anyeurisms, I said the phrase "I'm having an anyeurism" about 200 times during the football game on Saturday. Here it is, a wrapup of the weekend:

Friday night

After going to class in the morning, I head to the airport. First of all, I must say I am really surprised that Austin-Bergstrom Airport has a Saltlick Barbecue and Amy's Ice Creams. I think I may start scheduling flights out of Austin more often. Around 5:15, I board the plane and realize... it's a mini-jet with two seats on each side. People are forced to put some carry-on baggage under the plane. Normally, I wouldn't mind too much but the flight to Chicago is two and a half hours long, not some twenty minute flight. When we arrived at Chicago, I was excited because we were a little early, which in my mind = getting to Notre Dame faster. However, we proceeded to sit at the tarmac for 45 minutes because for some reason there was a plane at our gate. Uggggh. Thankfully, while I was waiting, I got to talk to the old Swedish man next to me who in the course of conversatoin asked me if I had any kids. I involuntarily laughed in his face, then tried to make it seem like I was not mocking him by keeping up the polite conversation. Once I finally got out of the airplane, I met up with Nips and had a pretty good drive into South Bend. After some driving moves of questionable legality, we finally made it onto the Skyway. An estimated 10:00 arrival time ended up being more around midnight after all the delays and actually grabbing dinner. Despite the exhaustion, we managed to go out to Legends with Miguel and Philip and rested up for the game the next day.

Saturday

Holy crap, not having to get up for band is so glorious. You just sleeeep and sleep. Granted, I actually did not sleep in that much, but you have the option! Mothball's tailgate was a good time, and I met up with tons of alums I hadn't seen in a while. When Mothball and Vnak were told by the cops protecting USC that they were going to jail if they messed with the band, I couldn't help but think, "Ah, the circle of life." We made it to Concert on the Steps and stepoff, something I was looking forward to immensely. At this point, my voice was still there but hurting for sure. In my drunken haze, I was not being very effective at communicating the hilarity of jokes and witticisms I had so carefully prepared. Thank goodness Vnak saved the day by shushing me and then yelling "Does anyone else think Lizett looks like Bill Cosby??" If I had been more lucid, I would have ripped into some Jell-o Pudding jokes.

Our tickets were in the end zone behind the band, right next to the entrance ramp and with easy access to the bathroom and concession stand. Couldn't ask for a better strategic location. I screamed my head off the whole game, which led to the lack-of-voice-ness. During the first part of the game, I jokingly did the Disney World Happy Dance for joy of being at the game, which later turned into the Anxiety Dance of Franticness. It got pretty bad in the last quarter or so where I was just rocking back and forth, holding my head in hopes it didn't explode. The outcome was... dissapointing. But for 10 euphric seconds, we had beat USC. It makes the defeat that much worse. I hate you Pete Carroll. I hope Regis Philbin burns down USC.

The post-game celebration was a little less lively as expected, but still a fairly good time despite the fact that we went to Bookmakers which smelled like an odd combination of an ashtray and feet and Oscars, which was actually much better than expected despite the presence of middle aged lesbians hitting on me. It was really great to just hang out with my friends again, falling back into the same dynamics as if we hadn't left.

Sunday

Almost as nice as Saturday. The luxury of a late flight meant I got to go to the bookstore, Nick's Patio for breakfast and hang out with my friends and walk around campus for quite a while. Walking around campus was great - it was a beautiful day, and the ND crazy-effective workers had returned campus to its pristine condition. The flight back to Austin was also in a tiny jet, and even better than the return trip because I sat further back and there was a crying baby in front of me. The mom kept trying to show her the Baby Irish DVD - for those of you who haven't heard of these, they make Baby Einstein-type DVDs for college teams now in order to indoctrinate kids even more than their ND parents do already. It didn't really seem to work for quieting a 2-year-old.

In conclusion, today was rough to get to class and stay awake all day. If any of you see Matt Leinart hanging out with Nick Lachey, be sure to kick both in the balls for me.

I'll put some pep in your rally

So, rumored to be at the pep rally (which I won't be going to) are:

Rudy Rutteiger
Bruce Springsteen
Bon Jovi
Joe Montana
Jesus Christ himself

The hype for this game is unbelievable. I should've known that Friday classes mean jack and just left Thursday night or early Friday. Oh well, it looks like it's shaping up to be a pretty exciting weekend anyway. Rock on.

Get Nasty

Holy crap, only 3 days until Notre Dame takes on USC and I will be there to witness the glory. Oh, the glory. For 72 glorious hours, I will forget all about law school and unleash the fury onto USC and my liver. Oh, you just wait.

Things have been going pretty well. Law school is actually starting to become pretty time-consuming seeing as our profs are going through more than one or two cases per day. Damn you. And we have to start our outlines soon. I, for one, have done zero outlining while some of my more "ambitious" or "uptight" classmates have been working on them since the second week of classes. Hmm. I'm sure it'll somehow magically work out for me. Why wouldn't it?

My mom came up to visit last weekend. It was a pretty good time, the highlight of it being outlet shopping in San Marcos. I ended up buying two suits... my first two ever. I'm officially a grown-up! Now all I need is a job. I'm assuming that the first interview I walk into, they'll be so blown away by the awesomeness of my power suit and they'll immediately bow at my feet (or perhaps at my awesome new shoes) and offer me a super-fantastic job. To a first year. That pays a lot. It could happen!! Okay, it probably won't, but my chic new suits will probably at least keep me off the streets, make me look presentable.

Anyway, most of this week is just getting ready for my big trip to Notre Dame. My head will explode if we win, and even if we don't, my liver sure will. I'm already getting some good law school jokes to yell at Philip in a drunken stupor. In any case, it will be a smart, tough, nasty wekeend. Oose. Go Irish.

October

October promises to be a big, important month. First of all, it marks one month into my law school career, which means I didn't die within the first few weeks. Hopefully this is a good signal for the rest of the year. Second, (sequentially, not in importance) is the Notre Dame-USC game. This will be my first home game not in the band which will only mean debauchery and hilarity in the best way. At this time, Miguel and all my young'un friends will be 21, so we can go out in style in South Bend the way no one else can. Also, it promises to be a very close and important game in the season. People probably say that every game, but with the combination of Notre Dame-ruining power and this-season-winning power we may just be unstoppable. (For those unfamiliar with the Notre Dame-ruining, see: Every Ranked Team Last Year). And thirdly, on the 23rd it is time for the big 2-2 (or "22" as some people call it). This is it. 21 is an exciting birthday, but what's 22? Nothing. The only thing I have to look forward to now is 30, and that's a bad thing. But for now, it's time to live it up like a 21-year-old.

Irishizzle

Gizoogle.com apparantly translates many things. Here for your amusement, courtesy of micvat, is the Notre Dame Fight Song:

R-A-Double-Lizzy sons of Notre Dame
Spendin' her glory, n sound her fame
Raise her Gold n Blue,
And rappa wit voices true,
Rah! Rah! For Notre Dame.

We will fight in every game
Strong of heart n tizzle ta her name.
We wiznill neer forget her
And wizzay pusha her eva,
Loyal ta Notre Dame.

Chorus:
Chea, drug deala fo` Old Notre Dame
Wakes up tha echoes ridin' her name,
Send tha volley poser on high,
Shakes D-to-tha-izzown tha thunda frizzay tha sky,
What though tha odds be bootylicious or small
Old Notre Dizzle W-to-tha-izzill win over all,
While her loyal sons is marching
Onward ta Victory . Holla!.

Pure genius. Memorize it, for I will be singing it every gameday from now until eternity.