That's What She Said

I'm busy, which means I'm blogging. Sort of. I don't have much to write about, except for my perpetual happy dance until Friday, when I fly to South Bend and accompany Stephen all the way back to Texas. Suck it, long distance! Never again.

Instead, I'll just point you to the blog That's What She Said, which takes situations from The Office and attaches real-life litigation costs to every stupid thing Michael does. So, if any of you ever thought of kissing your gay employee to prove you're tolerant, you probably shouldn't. Surprisingly, it doesn't work in real life.

Censorship

When did "douche" become an acceptable word on prime time TV? I've been wondering for a long time too, how come when they bleep out asshole, they bleep out the hole? And the God in goddammit. I don't get it.

Wacky things

Hoo boy, it has been one full day. I won't say I have a case of the Mondays, cuz you could get your ass kicked saying something like that.

Last night, I went to Blockbuster and pulled the old switcheroo - the one benefit Blockbuster has over Netflix. I also ran over an armadillo on the way there. Man, those suckers are everywhere. You'd think for an animal with an exterior shell, they'd be a little more resilient.

Then today, I had to turn in a paper and pick up an assignment from one of my professor's assistants. I stopped by his office twice, and he was never there. I should have known as soon as I saw him - he was probably outside toking up with some high schoolers. This guy looks exactly like Chong on That 70's Show. I had to wait for this guy for like 20 minutes, so when I finally got what I wanted from him, I kicked him in the nards and ran off.

Finally, I almost got run over when I was crossing the street to get home, but I stopped the car by punching it 50 feet in the air.

Movie Review #2

I think I may have to upgrade to the 2-DVDs-at-a-time plan for Blockbuster Online. The closest service center is in San Antonio, and it took like 4 days for my next DVD to come. Bastards.

Anyway, DVD #2 was The Da Vinci Code. You've already been warned by Goat that it sucked, and I have to say that it was meh. Not great, but not terrible either (see, Crank). It would've been a lot better if they didn't have a ton of annoying flashbacks. Anyway, I can't really write a full, comprehensive review of it because I was finishing up my journal cite check assignment.

I actually finished my Texas Review of Entertainment and Sports Law journal assignment a full 48 hours before it's due! I'm being... productive? What's next, I'll actually finish my ADR paper today, a full 24 hours before it's due? I don't even recognize myself anymore.

Finally, I will point everyone to Philip's personal fundraising website for Barack Obama. I already donated, and I'm a poor student, so take some time and donate for everyone's favorite (or at least the most likeable) candidate!

Or if you just want to send cash directy to me, I'll take it too. For my personal expenses.

Dahlia Lithwick is kind of my hero

Being the huge nerd that I am, I actually enjoy reading Dahlia Lithwick's Supreme Court updates and reports. Seeing as I originally started this blog to talk about law school, I guess I should point you to this very interesting article about the female Justices speaking out, and about women in the workplace in general.

I think I'll be Ruth Bader Ginsburg for Halloween. How do I get those glasses?

My head asplode

One of the lovely things I encountered in Austin is the prevalence of cedar. Apparently, I am allergic. I've never had seasonal allergies until I got to Austin, then all of a sudden, BAM. My head kind of exploded on the inside.

So the past couple of days have had ungodly amounts of cedar in the air, and I am out of the good non-drowsy allergy medicine, which means my fallback is the drowsy, make you want to pass out kind. Weeee!

Actually, I've spent most of the past two days asleep or on the couch. I guess I'll just suck it up and live with it, but it makes for a miserable existence. If you happen to hear of massive forest fires in central Texas, it wasn't me... and it was totally Nips' idea.

Be kind, return on time

Does anyone else find that little phrase totally off after the years and years of "Be kind, rewind"? I for one, always rewound my movies. I'm just a good citizen.

As part of my "Enter the 21st century" blitz, I finally joined a mail-order DVD program. I thought long and hard, weighed my options, and passed through many sleepless nights before finally settling on Blockbuster Online. Basically, the only benefit is that you can switch out DVDs in the store, which I think is pretty spiffy.

My inaugural rental is Superman Returns. Seeing as I'm the only person on the planet that hasn't seen it yet, I thought it would be fitting to rent and watch all alone in my living room. I feel ya, Superman.

Overall, I really liked it. Makes me feel like hitting up the Houston Museum of Natural Science. I remember a lot of geodes from elementary school field trips. Lois Lane is kind of a bitch, but I suppose I would be too if my man knocked me up and left for five years. Also, the whole thing looks very CGI-y. Not just the special effects, though. Like, Superman's face. No one has skin that good. And if he does, what is he using, because I need to get me some of that. Also, when did Superman become Titanic?

Next up on my list is another one of those "Movies everyone else has seen but me", The Da Vinci Code. Don't worry, I just added The Science of Sleep to my queue, so I'll be sure to get to some less mainstream fare as well. I think I'll make the Movie of the (Indetermined Amount of Time) Club reviews a regular, so check back for more wisdom.

Sartorialist rule

"Suits are full of joy. They're the sartorial equivalent of a baby's smile."

Big things are happening

Extreme makeover, blog edition! I needed some room to breathe. And this gives it to me. Philip is copying the re-imaging. But that is only the beginning!

Stephen got a job at UT, which is pretty much the most ideal situation we were hoping for. He gets to keep working in education, and in what seems to be a really laid-back atmosphere. They actually told him in the interview that the last guy with the job was in it for a solid two months before they realized he had done absolutely no work. They also said he doesn't have to come in all the time, as long as he gets his work done. Booyashaka.

In another brilliant twist of fate, it turns out one of my friends from law school is looking to rent out a room in his house for cheap, so it looks like he'll have a good place to live for cheap, with someone that is not in fact a serial killer. If only I could be so lucky.

I also went home this weekend to visit my family. My cousin Mario, his wife Mayra, and his mom came to visit for the weekend. Mario is moving to Houston as soon as all his papers go through, so that will be exciting to have him close by.

Finally, in my actual life, things are going well, although a little hectic. I realized this weekend my journal cite check assignment is due on Monday, and I had completely blown it off until now. Whoops. Assault and Flattery is also gearing up, which is going well, but is keeping my nights busy. Thankfully that won't be going on for too much longer. I'm also head-first into a few cases for the immigration clinic, so I've got qutie a bit going on right now.

Sorry this was not entertaining at all, but hopefully something amusing will happen soon. Maybe I'll slip and fall on a banana peel. Now that's comedy!

PS - Crank did in fact suck. But you can only feel the magnitude of the suckitude by seeing it yourself. Remember in Blues Brothers how they drove the car through the mall? There was a similar scene, only not as entertaining.

Quit doing the right thing

I kind of forgot that today was Wednesday. I still have yet to get into my law school routine. Maybe a month or so more in...

So, Stephen came in this weekend. It was a lovely long weekend, with a trip to Hula Hut, Scholz's Beer Garten for beer on the law school, and below-average steak at Houston's. AND, we totally did something this weekend! Stephen had two interviews, which seemed like they went really well, followed by a trip to Barton Creek mall. That's right, suited up for the mall! We also managed to get off the couch for long enough to go to Main Event for some bowling and glow in the dark putt-putt. I don't care how old you are, it's still awesome. I haven't been bowling in a couple of years, and let me tell you - I think this hiatus is exactly what I needed. I rolled the best game of bowling of my life - a cool 111, with a couple of strikes and a few spares. So I resolve to only bowl once every two years to keep up the streak.

We also rented Crank. You know, that movie with Jason Statham where he has to keep his adrenaline up or he'll die? Let me tell you brother, it was just as awesome, if not more so than in the commercials. If you can believe it. I'm sure you don't. But you should.

In another wacky plan, I bought a plane ticket for next weekend to South Bend out of San Antonio since it was ridiculously cheaper than flying out of Austin. It's so bold, it's like a zesty chimichanga filled with spicy Doritos and covered in taco sauce. What?

Freaking sweet

Today launches the first real week of the spring semester. Turns out signing up for morning office hours in the immigration clinic isn't my best idea. I am not what you might call a morning person. Also, I have no freaking clue what I'm doing, but I don't think I ruined anyone's life. Yet. On the first day of the clinic, I got four cases to work on. I'm actually going to court next Tuesday, in front of a real live judge, so chances are high that I either a) vomit or b) pee my pants. Should be a fun time!

But, on the freaking sweet side, Stephen is coming for an extra-long weekend, all the way from Thursday night until Monday mid-day. AND, he's got two interviews! Well, an interview and a "visit". Austin is all over it, baby. Let the bidding wars begin! And speaking of... something, we have a priest to officiate now, too. I guess it's about time we started one of those websites with pictures of us all over the place that makes you want to projectile vomit into your computer screen. I can't wait!

We decided that we might try actually doing something this weekend, as opposed to sitting like blobs, eating large amounts of food, and watching various television shows and movies, per usual. I'm thinking we should go to Scholz's on Friday night for some society social thing. Free beer and appetizers! Anyone else going? Come on Bradford, suit up and I'll see you there.

I've made a huge mistake

Regular Thursday night. Big TV night for me. Everything's going fine (thanks to DVR I can catch The Office and Ugly Betty, and Scrubs/30 Rock and Grey's Anatomy) and I decide to watch Grey's before I go to bed. I like to watch my comedies real time and save the dramedy for later. Big mistake. HUGE mistake. I am not one to get emotional during movies or TV shows for the most part. I was the only person in my family not weeping during The Notebook. But damn if tonight's Grey's didn't have me weeping like a little boy who just lost his dog. I guess it's a good thing I don't have class tomorrow or I might be screwed for the rest of the semester. I think I'm going to go punch myself in the gut, maybe that will toughen me up.

Rehab is the new baby

Well, classes finally resumed today, which means it's time for me to begin procrastinating. As many of you know, I'm kind of a gossip hound, so it's pretty Big News that Lindsay Lohan checked into rehab. Good job, Lindsay. You're 20 years old and your mom thinks she's your BFF. You're totally well-adjusted. One quote from SuperMom- "She's fine. She's amazingly fine." Yup, that's why she's in rehab!

Sadly, Lindsay Lohan is only the latest in a long line of rehab-ers - Nicole Richie (sort of? anorexia rehab?), Pete Doherty, Keith Urban. Lately, it seems like rehab is the new baby.

Last year, it was baby mania - Angelina Jolie adopting the world, Bennifer II, Matt Damon, Gwen Stefani, Madonna. In Hollywood, mommyhood is out - rehab is in. What's next - Quickie weddings? Oh wait...

First dance?

So one big thing Stephen and I have been thinking about is what song we're going to do our first dance to. I personally think we ought to do this:




Thoughts?

Good news, bad news

Good news: Date has been set for August 18, 2007 at Holy Rosary Catholic Church in Houston.

Bad news: I have NO grades in yet. None. But on the plus side, school will probably be cancelled due to the "inclement weather".

Engagement reactions, Lizett style

Since I am at home and on vacation and nothing is happening right now, I'll give you my version of the engagement reactions:

First, may I point out that while Megan commented on both mine and Stephen's blog, he stole her comment on mine to use on his. What a bastard.

Pretty much everyone: WHAT?? Congratulations!

Joe: Tell him to pick one thing about the wedding and disagree with you about it. That way it shows that he's interested.

Yesenia: Congratulations! Of course, my chismosa mother called me last night and told me. We are not even old enough! I feel like I should go over to your house and steal your Casper tape!

Greg: What did I tell you to say if anyone ever asked you that? "I'll think about it", followed by an awkward no via e-mail 2 weeks later.

Anglee: I will say to you what Samantha told Carrie when she got engaged: If you become one of those married assholes, I will kill you.

Philip: <-- Ring bearer. THINK ABOUT IT.

Anglee, part 2: I forgot to mention that if you need a wedding planner, I am ON IT. I have much wedding knowledge. Like for example, don't use an awkward sexual song for the father-daughter dance. Because seriously, so awkward.

Dana: Yes!! There is hope for aging Domers. (WTF does that mean, Dana?)

Vnak: Prewedding pub crawl. Do it!

Good news

"Good news" is the way all the falto e-mails used to begin when someone was announcing that they were engaged. I think. Anyway, good news! I'm engaged! For those of you who haven't seen it already on Facebook! Sorry, we're engaged. We. Whatever, it's all about the bling, as Stephen's mother calls it.

I apologize for the method of communication, but you see, Stephen/AniMal (as many of you may know him) insisted on making the engagement official as soon as possible, and we all know nothing is official until it's on Facebook. I promise I'll call all of you, devoted readers... eventually. Hey, maybe on your birthday!

I just got back from nearly a week in Columbus last night. The engagement itself occurred on campus at Notre Dame, through deception and trickery, but I think that's a good solid foundation for a marriage. After that, it was cold out and I was starving, so we went to Hooters. Yes, Hooters. Buffalo shrimp is probably the greatest thing ever, so lay off, okay? Besides, we went out that evening to Club LaSalle which was cool and classy and served big martini-style drinks and had an old Kenny Loggins-esque man on open mic night, or so it seems. Needless to say, the ring is pretty and shiny, and details of anything we decide on (such as a date) will be forthcoming. We're already looking for a tranny to object to our union, so if you'd like to volunteer, let us know ASAP because I'm sure that position will be highly coveted. For a recap of the events leading up to it, please see the corresponding story on Mal's blog, which I am too lazy to recount myself. I will say this, his crying was less like a little bitch and more like a schoolgirl.

Merry Christmas!

I hope everyone had a good holiday. I had a pretty good one myself, with a fairly cold Christmas here in Houston. And now I leave you with this:



Feliz navidad
Feliz navidad
Feliz navidad, prospero año y felicidad

I want to wish you a Merry Christmas
I want to wish you a Merry Christmas
I want to wish you a Merry Christmas
From the bottom of my heeeeart!

Inspiring words.

P.S. - Someone buy me that Santa.

Maybe I should read the news more

While browsing on CNN, I came across this story. Turns out my criminal procedure final used this exact same story, right down to everyone's names, in our final. If only I read the news, I might have been more prepared. Either way, I think I made a fairly convincing argument that we need to go in and take the bullet from that mofo's head. I never stopped using mofo.

Happy Festivus

Today is officially Festivus, and I would like to wish you all a Happy Festivus. May the aluminum pole gleam down on you as you perform your Feats of Strength and provide some support during the Airing of Grievances.

Remember, today is a Festivus for the rest of us!

EDIT: Elizabeth is right in saying that the date is flexible, so I will keep the comments open to airing grievances.

Frank Costanza: Many Christmases ago, I went to buy a doll for my son. I reached for the last one they had, but so did another man. As I rained blows upon him, I realized there had to be another way.
Cosmo Kramer: What happened to the doll?
Frank Costanza: It was destroyed. But out of that a new holiday was born: a Festivus for the rest of us!
Cosmo Kramer: That must've been some kind of doll.
Frank Costanza: She was.