I'm confused

I can't tell if John Mayer is some sort of comedic genius. Before, I was just slightly annoyed by him. But after reading the following blog entry, I may have gotten him all wrong. He does have some good stuff to say about zombies.

I WAS THINKING ABOUT ZOMBIES

Are you frightened and exhilarated by the thought of the living dead, but you just don't know where to get your fix?

You should look into zombies. They're former human beings whom, at one point, walked the earth wearing flannel shirts and jeans, but as zombies they eat people's brains and love the mall. I hear they run slow, so unless your legs are pinned under a chandelier or you're just in shock, you should be able to get away okay without too much trouble. One time, they were conducting experiments on chimpanzees and the chimpanzees were infected with some crazy virus and then the chimpanzees got out and started biting people. This started the zombies. This was only in one movie, so I can't say it's all the time. What does seem to be all the time is that zombies love to eat people's flesh. You see, they're deteriorating, so they need all the fresh flesh they can get.


Here's what they do: they don't really rest or anything. All they do is wander around with their arms out and they walk all slow, and they seem to be completely unfazed by even the most jarring incidents, but once they see humans, man, lookout. They get real determined. Because, like I said before, they love flesh.


The thing too is, you can sometimes trick zombies into thinking that you're one of them. If you walk through a whole pack of zombies, and you're all like "bbbuuuurrrrgggghhhhh", like they are, there's a chance they won't notice you're even there. But as soon as you start talking, or showing basic cognitive reason, zombies are all over you.


I guess what I'm saying, is, zombies are dead and they don't have long before they deteriorate, so unless there's a whole lot of them, if you're being pursued by only a couple of zombies, you should be okay. I would say you should hide out somewhere a zombie can't get to, and, at the rate of mixing myths, you might want to cover your entire body in a thick layer of river mud like that time in Predator. It couldn't hurt. You should just wait it all out until the zombies deteriorate and can no longer move. The difficult thing is, zombies don't all become zombies at the same time, so maybe you should just pack a zombie emergency kit for your home and office.

POSTED BY JOHN MAYER AT 02:53 AM FROM PORTLAND, OR

AAAAH

So, I am incredibly tired and should be going to bed right now, but I figured I should write this down before the motivation escapes me.

I don't know if any of you know this, but my mother is a bit of a prankster. Sure, if you know her, you probably know her as that nice lady that looks just like Lizett and shoves delicious Mexican food down your throat until you explode. But there is a much more sinister side to her. Now that we have an unlimited phone plan to Mexico, she frequently prank calls my grandmother, pretending to be all sorts of various characters (someone from the bank, a Japanese client of my cousin's, etc.).

So, I came home to Houston today to see the fam as I haven't visited them since law school started. Everything's cool, I have lunch, yadda yadda yadda. So after we eat, I pick up my backpack and go upstairs to drop my stuff off in my bedroom. The door to my bedroom is open, and just inside, I see a large cockroach by my desk. I immediately freeze and call to my brother downstairs "uhhh, there's a roach in my bedroom." He asks, "Is it moving?"

As it turns out, my mother had the genius idea of purchasing (yes, spending actual, real money!) plastic cockroaches and had strategically placed them in my room for maximum freak-outage. She was kind of dissapointed in my brother for tipping me off, but I am eternally grateful. Besides the one by my desk, there was another right next to my bed. So I pick up the plastic cockroaches, put them on my desk and forget about them. Until about five minutes ago, when I pulled back my bedspread and nearly yelled out loud because, you guessed it, there were two cockroaches strategically placed underneath.

Current location of roaches: one outside their bedroom door, one on the kitchen counter. They wake up before me, so I'm hoping for some element of surprise.

Oy

That's in honor of Rosh Hashana. I don't get any days off, but hey, we got Contracts off last year.

So, to kick off an exciting Friday, I spent four hours in the Texas Review of Entertainment and Sports Law office this afternoon. Let me tell you, I was getting pretty pissed at whoever the hell wrote this article I had to cite check. Do you know English? Ever heard of the Blue Book? Yikes. Anyway... all part of the fun and games of second year. I can at least be thankful TRESL doesn't have any writing requirements, but cite checking for four hours can really numb your mind.

So what did I do afterwards? You guessed it: pancakes.

I may be getting a little ahead of myself

I had an interview today with the Travis County Attorney's Office. It actually went really well and it seems like it would be interesting work. The guy practically offered me the job on the spot. The only problem? It's part-time work starting... oh, about now-ish. It seems like a pretty sweet deal - vacation and sick days, health care (yes, even for part-time), plus getting paid on a regular basis. I just don't think I could handle it all. He said they usually ask for 20 hours a week (or as close as possible - this is a government job and I know what they're about). That would mean working Mondays before class, and Tuesday-Friday after class. And then coming home and studying. While it all seems like a pretty sweet deal, I rather enjoy being a student and finishing my day at 1:30, even if it does mean I'm studying later that evening until the wee hours of the morning. At least then I get a choice of when to do my work, and I can watch Dr. Phil if I damn well please (that is, I will be able to as soon as the cable guy gets here... if that ever happens). I think all in all, I'll have to say no to what would otherwise be a great job opportunity.

In other news... you can totally spot who the 1Ls are. They travel in packs. And they still have that glint in their eyes... what is that, hope? Optimism? I never thought I'd say this, but to be a 1L again...

I may have to start following Mal's food lead

Apparently, spinach has been spreading e.coli around the country. And here I just bought a bag of 50/50 Romaine and Spinach mix! That's it, nothing but meat and fried foods for me from now on. Because eating green can kill you.

New things are afoot

Well, my friends, it's official. I thought I could hide under the radar from the UT blawggers, but now I'm linked at Hawk McGee, Ex.Coll.Blog, and Amicus Curiae, which is arguably the #1 UT Blawg now that Wings&Vodka is off the air. Weep. I cry just a little at the thought that there is no more W&V wit out there.

Last night, I had two receptions to go to. The first was for a certain BigLaw national firm at the very posh Shoreline Bar & Grill. The people were nice, but God, for such a nice restaurant, could they please turn on the a/c? Thankssss.

The second was for a San Antonio law firm at Stubb's Barbecue. That was pretty chill and fun, and it was pretty crowded outside because Thievery Corporation was playing later that night. Too bad I didn't stick around, because GyllenStrong was there for the show! I loves me some Jake Gyllenhal. I guess it's best that I sold my ACL tickets though, because as much as I'd like to think that I would run into Jake and Lance at ACL, I doubt that would actually happen. And now I get my money back and finally actually unpacked my apartment. I live here now, I'm not just moving in!

To do tomorrow: Go to the Austin Alumni Club game watch and see ND poop on Michigan, or catch up on Federal Income Tax?



I think we all know the answer to that.

Fun with Pills

So my Houston doctor won't refill my allergy prescription, so I guess that means I need to find a new doctor. And I get to deal with my allergies with medicine that they should really sell on the black market since it appears to have no positive medicinal effects whatsoever and merely fucks. you. up.

So I guess after my hiatus from law school, I can honestly say I don't think I missed much. It's the beginning of the semester, so the profs are all taking it slow. I think the only class I'm really hurting in is tax, but only because I realized after you learn your whole new fun law school vocabulary, you also get to learn a fun new tax vocabulary. Yay!

As many of you can tell by seeing your suited classmates in the hallways, it's interview season at UT. I have had one so far, and I guess it went okay. The guy was an OSU fan, so he didn't really appreciate the fact that I went to Notre Dame (although the fact that I went to UT Law didn't bother him that much considering this Saturday's game). Not only do I hate having to prepare for interviews while also preparing for class (and sometimes missing class for said interviews), I really really hate wearing a suit to class. I feel like such a tool. And really that's only going to happen a couple of times, so the other days when I'm wearing jeans and a t-shirt and everyone else around me is wearing suits, I die a little inside. But only a little. I'm not supposed to let on that I'm actually "competitive" or "care".

Texas: Take a hint from Stanford. Give us vacation during interviews! Trust me, you'll be happy you did.

Finally, since I don't have any pictures from this actual vacation I took, and I've been in a picture-posting mood, here is a pic from this summer of me and Mal at some really crappy Mexican place in San Antonio (I know, you thought they didn't exist!)

Let me assure you, do not eat at Canyon Cafe or whatever the hell it's called in the Quarry. Their tortilla chips are barbecue-flavored. I guess the entree was okay, but with terrible chips and salsa, why bother?

Owmp

That is the sound of Charlie Weis eating a submarine sandwich laced with heart medicine in one bite. You see, I have a theory that Charlie Weis, like the rest of the Notre Dame fans out there, gets extremely enraged when Notre Dame is doing poorly. So enraged that he requires his heart medication. Charlie Weis, however, also requires submarine sandwiches. Submarine sandwiches that must be eaten in one bite. Solution? Combine the two. During the Georgia Tech game, I am certain Charlie Weis had a heart-medicine-laced submarine sandwich during half time gave the team a good talking-to in the locker room with salami and lett-oose flying everywhere.

So, Mal has not sent me the few North Carolina pictures taken of baby nieces and no PSU game pictures either. This vacation was super sweet and fun and made me really really hate coming back to school. Mal's family was really nice. It was very odd at first, because around our friends, he's the one making fun of everyone, but at home - BAM - total opposite! You see, as the youngest, Mal is the brunt of his whole family's jokes and ridicule. I, by association, got a bit of it, but I took it as a good sign that they have no problems mocking me. Right ...?

So then after some super sweet driving across the country, we made it to Columbus for a brief, yet delicious stay. We hit up the Quaker Steak n' Lube, famous for wings (which were, in fact delicious) and Donato's for some tasty pizza, and both nearly died in an unfortunate bathtub incident.

After escaping near death, we actually made it to the Bend for some super sweet tailgating/seeing alums/football action. We definitely needed the blowout after the heart-laced sub sandwich inducing fear of the Georgia Tech game. See the rest of you suckers at Stanford!

So long, suckers

Are you ready for some FOOTBALL?

Go Irish, Beat Yellow Jackets!